Physical Disability and Etiquette

Not demands, I'm not into demands. Rather here are some suggestions to help us all remain comfortable with each other. Saying physical disabilities is like saying sales in business, they are almost limitless in variety. So there is no one grand set of easy to follow rules or guidelines to fit every situation. So I'm going to limit this to two categories, people who are ambulatory but still have mobility issues and those who use wheel chairs. For more information, click here. Much of the following may apply to others as well. But before we get to that, I'd ask you to ponder a thing or two. 

Let's keep one thing in mind, there are two kinds of people in this world, those who are disabled and those who will be disabled (if one lives long enough). So this more than about some small special interest group seeking some kind of entitlement. It is about most of us, either now or some time in the not so distant future. We all age, there's no way around it. How do we want to be treated when we can no longer do all the cool things we can do now? This is one consideration I'd like you to be aware of as we go forward. 

Link for a FaceBook Group.

I have a condition called Arthrogryposis Multiplex Congenita (AMC) it does not have me. It is nothing more than a medical diagnosis. It does not define or limit who I am. That's up to me. I happen to have a physical disability that is visible. A few quick decades in this world and most all of us have some diagnosis to deal with. This is the second idea to keep in mind. Physical disability is a part of the human condition. We're actually pretty easy to figure out. We all need safety, food, drink and love. We all want to live with basic dignity and be able to realize our full potential in life. These last two are denied all too often for people with physical disabilities. I don't think it is intentional. People are for the most part unaware how to react to someone like myself or someone in a wheelchair. We are often either hovered over or virtually ignored. In society as a whole, we are almost invisible. This is changing. I think it is the next step in The Civil Rights Movement. So what are my etiquette suggestions as more and more persons with disabilities emerge into mainstream society? 
       

The Golden Rule always works. For those of you who may need a refresher--do un to others, as you would have done un to you. Do YOU want to be hovered over or ignored? I would think not. We all want to be treated as human beings. More or less, what goes for non-disabled people also goes for the disabled. Simply, stop and think. What would I want done for me? Would I want some stranger reaching out of the blue for bananas at the grocery store for me that I can get myself? Sounds just a tad creepy. What if I'm not sure? Ask.   

Yes, it is good to help people out but ask first. I'll use myself as an example. I'm leaning into a rather heavy door to open it. I'm also using the door for balance. Now, some well-meaning person walks up and suddenly pulls it all the way open. If I'm not careful and on my game, I may go splat. Then I will really need help. Laying on the ground wondering if I just broke my hip or looking for teeth is no fun. Don't assume. 

I may walk funny, but my brain and mouth work just fine for the most part. I have not got this one in a while but I have experienced this. "Is he able to get in the door okay?" Somebody asks my non-disabled friend. "Yes, thanks!" I reply. The person asking is trying to help out but going about it in a less than stellar fashion. Again, please don't assume. If I do happen to have a speech problem, work with me! Slow down and focus. At least give it a try. I'd do it for you! I'm a more or less functioning adult, I don't think asking to be treated as such is asking too much. Ignoring people, disabled or not, is just uncool. However, I may take it over the other extreme. 

I've had this a lot in hospitals. Again, people's hearts are in the right place, but they are not being helpful being hypersensitive to my physical condition. I can walk and I'm not going to fall. Hovering is invading my personal space. Okay, there were one or two cute nurse types the thought of falling into DID cross my mind. I did fall into one busty woman at a party. It was a little awkward but... 

Worth it. Alcohol could have been a contributing factor. I'm digressing. People with physical disabilities have a lot of experience dealing with their unique situation and know what they need as well as what they don't. If I need assistance, I'm glad to ask. Hovering makes me more tense and thus more likely to fall. Just grace me a little time and space to move with a little style and grace. Also, The Golden Rule, speaking to the person and non-hovering applies to wheelchair users. What else? 

A wheelchair is not a thing to lean on, hold or use as a foot rest. It is a part of the user's personal space. Please respect that personal space. Before assisting a wheelchair user, ask them what you need to do. Be sure you clearly understand. Grabbing the wrong part of the wheelchair may break it and lead to a bad day. When talking with someone in a wheelchair stand back a little further than usual so they don't have to lean their head way back while looking at you. Ideally, have a seat so you are more or less at the same level.    

So, when in doubt, follow the Golden Rule.  Or simply ask. I'm sure there's more. Next, I put the shoe on the other foot. How should people with physical disabilities treat their non-disabled brothers and sisters, those we share the world with. 

For a little balance.