Happy Holidays All

Enjoy time with family and friends and don't let the holidays bring ya down. 

Bully stuff I

I prefer a give and take style of speaking. One has to be very very good to stand and give a talk for an extended period of time. I may get there sometime but feel I have a ways yet to go. To keep people in it so to speak, I like them to participate. So I'll ask questions and have others speak as well. I think this is something we are missing. How often are we asked to be herd in an open and free way? All too often, we are isolated in our own bubble suffering silently. Yes, I like to blog and post stuff on Face Book but that is no substitute for meeting with people and sharing together. So what did I get out of sharing dialogue last Tuesday? The topic of bullying came up and it is too important to ignore. It got me to thinking and I decided to look a little closer at the issue.

Like far too many, I too experienced being bullied. Thank goodness it was not for too long, just one semester around 5th grade. I went to a new school and did not fit in. I quickly found myself friendless, alone and in day to day misery. I'm not sure what it was. Before this time I never had any real problems in school. In the new school I was met with a mixture of cold indifference and utter contempt. I never suffered direct violence but felt the threat of it was always looming. This may be worse.  Each day was a struggle to get through but sad to say I never shared these troubles with anyone. Why? At the time, we had just bought a new house and my Grandmother had moved in with us. She had been my best friend and perhaps my biggest advocate my whole life. We learned she had cancer which proved to be fatal.  I did not want to ad my problems on top of what we were going through so I just muddled through each day as best I could. My parents were no fans of the public schools and at the end of the semester decided I'd be going to a private school. Thank god the nightmare was over. Looking back I did not handle it well at all. What could I have done different? 

In hindsight look back from decades later with the advantages of a lot of experience and much education, I'd say I needed to let someone know what was going on. I never had a problem with communicating with Mom and Dad. I could have let them know. I could have asked to meet with a school counselor or even the principal. Perhaps I could have done a better job of befriending a few fellow students. Now I'd say the most important thing is not going it alone. If I had to deal with that crap for several years, my life could have turned out very differently in a negative way. I'm not trying to blame myself, just thinking of better options than the "keep it to myself" one I chose. Why do students feel the need to put down and hurt others? As we all know this had lead to suicides. So why do kids bully and what does it do to them? 

Kids bully for a number of complex reasons. I think the most basic reason is they gain a sense of power. Schools all too often tend to be more about disempowerment than learning. The students have no say in what they study for the most part and coercive controls are employed to manage behavior. Cliques form and those who are not "in" are "out" and as a result subject to dehumanization. When a person is reduced to an object, anything can be done to them. Peer pressure can exacerbate the problem. The bully is egged on by his peers. If a kid comes from an abusive home where he or she lives in fear, bullying may be an outlet by providing a sense of power. If this twisted "need" to be seen as powerful goes on, it can lead to unhealthy relationships, continuing a cycle of abuse and time in a state correctional facility, you know prison.                

Part II Soon. 

Times of Change I

A bit of fiction that may be non-fiction somewhere... 

In a different place and time another started a journey for different reasons. The knock came at 3am, a gentle tapping on the door. Xerces knew what he had done. He also knew the agency people would arrive shortly. He saw no need to have them break down the door. Why wake up the neighbors? They would all know in very short order anyway. Most thought him some sort of anarchist deviant anyway. He let out his breath and took his last look around his home for the last three years. Much had happened here. He hoped it was not all a waste of time. He opened the door. Several agency goons dressed all in black glared at him from the dimly lit hallway. A woman stepped forward.

 

“Xerces?” She said.

He held out his arm with the barcode tattoo he was given in late childhood. There would be no slam to the ground and being dragged away kicking and screaming as some times before. No, his last arrest was quiet and almost mundane.  Most of the others in the huge apartment complex slept through the whole thing. Anyone awake knew better than ask what was going on. No, it was wiser (and more healthy) to keep it simple and stick to one’s own business. The woman and four men rode down the elevator with him, the forty levels flying by. The death penalty was long gone but there are worse things than death. Darkness, heavy rain and fog greeted them all as they exited the building. He was handcuffed and placed in the back of a hover vehicle. The memory faded.     

Where is he from? Now that is a very good question, a very simple question, and in his case a trick question. Places always move. Atoms, elements, dust, living cells, beings, planets, stars, galaxies, groups of galaxies and time always in motion eternally. There is only the moment. Where is he from? No, the question should is be when was he from. This too is a trick. There is the when before he was an exile and the time since. The first concerns us here little. He does not know much about that time anymore. Time slowly evaporates memory. It has all faded. The time after becoming an exile he knows all. For, he has no choice. He has learned and learned. That after all is what an exile does. He thinks he remembers his name… Xerces. Sounds good. This is also his story to date. Now it is old news from the ancient past eternally slipping away.

The place Xerces is from is a collective of solar systems that over time became known as the Fellix federation. Humans had branched out over time moving into new systems taking what they needed along the way, regardless if they really needed it or not. The short version of the history of the Fellix Federation follows those of empire that came before and likely to come after. It started off a democratic city-state and in time became the envy of other city-states. It used this jealously to its advantage acquiring other city-states by any and every means possible; economic warfare, outright theft, assignations and similar thuggish means. If the above failed, open warfare based on lies and flimsy accusations lead to the desired acquisition. In time the democracy faded into something unrecognizable and unreal existing only in state sponsored mythology. The citizens continued to believe the stories because they had enough to eat and lived in relative comfort. One key facet of the Fellix Federation myth was to pretend that the other city-states joined by choice. Not being limited by one world or even one solar system, gave it the continuing flow of resources needed to sustain life well beyond the natural end point of similar systems. Those in power also stamped out the notion of privacy in all but the very highest levels of government and industry which had become basically one in the same. Enough food, entertainment and careful perception management kept all but a tiny fraction of the population in check. They had way of dealing with those who threatened the status quo. Brand them a threat of some sort and remove the threat. Xerces spied on those who asked questions for the powerful. He also spied for powerful people when they wanted to know more about other powerful people on a contract basis. Slowly, the state sponsored myths started to break down for him. It may have been one too many people “disappeared” or his thirst for knowledge and truth.            

Xerces is small and rather unremarkable which made him the perfect spy. He could go in and out of places unnoticed and seldom seen. This served him well until he started to learn more and more about the entities he served.  He knew all aspects of his craft, networks, humit, counter intelligence, making everyday people into espionage machines and how to be rid of them if they created a “problem”. He was on the fast track to making it somewhere high up in the machine. That is until he started to find out answers to his own nagging questions. Worse still, he shared his answers thus creating a tiny crack in the foundation of Fellix state power. Xerces hoped it was a start to a revolution he knew from years of experience was still at least a generation or so away.  He had no fear of execution. The death penalty may be gone but accidents still happened from time to time. But too many now knew his story. The Federation had something else in mind, something more useful.   

Exile, that is the term they use. In ages past he may have been put to death for his crime of questioning widely known or not. His exact crime is of little importance now. Let’s simply say he gave knowledge to those who were not expecting it and in doing so enraged the most powerful people of the whole Federation. A few still called for bringing back the death penalty in his case, an example was needed they argued. But in time calm reason won the day. There was talk of sending him back for more reeducation and retraining but this had been tried four times already. Poor stubborn Xerces never seemed to learn questioning things was not good for order much lass his own health. Exile was a punishment for this sort of thing, many thought to be worse than death itself. 

The idea is simple; make the less desirables deep space explorers, very deep space.  Advanced life support systems make death all but a sick joke. Immortality is a curse. Who wants to live on in good health knowing all your loved ones have grown old withered and died? There can never be any real rest crossing vast expanses only to cross another and another after that. The first exiles were sent out ages before Xerces came along and the knowledge they gained still flowed back but for the benefit of only a few. This may be the worse part of all. He knew they sent many after him. Who cares if they never return? In fact, they are not supposed to. Exile is for life, never ending life. There is no way out once the final decision is made. It only took a matter of days for his fate to be decided in a closed trial in a rather drab underground bunker. The hype quickly faded but the small crack remained. So he hoped.

With advanced life support systems and Hypersleep death is almost impossible. One can die in an accident or by getting himself killed by other beings or as in some cases, killing oneself. These poor options alone are the ways out of his sentence. Just two days after his sentence he was sent for training. The training was short, covering the basics of ship functions, systems functions and crew functions. They figure rightly so, he will have plenty of time to learn. "All the time in the world." Xerces thought. It was the last time he ever saw any friend or family member. Just before he was to leave they threw a going away party for him. It was much like being alive and fully present at his own funeral. They often spoke of him in the past tense. None spoke of what he did or the “system” that brought all to this sad point in time and space.  At least they knew he was still alive. Few are so lucky.

They put two or more exiles together. Being alone leads to madness, which does little for successful missions. Exiles sometimes still get bad ideas. Some have not done their assigned mission, but made it up as they went along. This turns out to still be okay. If they try to return to known areas already explored, they are killed. They have to go somewhere new. So new knowledge is still always gained. There is no alternative but to leave forever and that means forever. A form of suspended animation known as Hypersleep, was developed and refined over several generations.  No one exile is “put in charge”. Rather it is up to them to work it out as they go. If it does not work out, well the robot crew will take care of the situation and the mission continues with out exiles. Xerces soon found out he would not be alone on his trip through eternity.                          

Dzann is the opposite of Xerces, stunningly beautiful with long wavy blond hair and green eyes, social and noticed everywhere she went.  She is also a world renowned doctor and scientist who worked in an intelligence of a different sort, artificial intelligence. She wanted her research to help those hurt in accidents facing a lifetime of paralysis and or brain damage. She combined bioengineering with the use of intelligent micro-machines for the purposes of healing. The powers that be had other plans for he research. Monsters are what they wanted and she had no interest in bringing them into being. When she refused their generous offers, her life became very difficult. The end of a long good marriage, a ruined reputation and an empty bank account were just a few of the costs she incurred for not seeing the big picture. The Federation did not like loose ends so she wound up taking a similar path to exile. 

Speaking at Glenwood Coffee and Books

I'll be speaking Tues Dec 18 at 6:15pm at Glenwood Coffee and Books sharing my story on living with a so called orphan disorder and afterward facilitating a discussion on handicapped / disability issues. Anyone is welcome and the event is free.

1310 Glenwood Ave 

Greensboro, NC 27403

Readings 12.9.2012

Handicapped man inspires with mountain climb

Spain's disabled protest austerity cuts

Republican opposition downs UN disability treaty

Man Bumped On Senior Scooter Shoots Driver Dead In Gas Station Parking Lot

Two teachers caught taunting disabled boy, 10, as 'gross' and 'disgusting' after his mother bugged his wheelchair with recording device

Glider Time

Aviation school adventure. 

Tom invited any student who was interested for an introductory gliding flight and lunch at Country Field a little over an hour to the west of Greensboro. We had to pay a small fee to pay for lunch and the gliding time. I drove up with Ryan. The airstrip was grass and it was way too small to have anything like a control tower. Before taking this program, I had no idea how many small airports there were. Many started to have second thoughts when we saw the glider we would be using. It looked like something out of the 1940’s. The pilot sat up front and the passenger or student sat behind the pilot under a Plexiglas canopy. There was only one landing wheel right behind the passenger. The glider had no need for a lot of instruments. It was just the basics, an airspeed indicator, altimeter, and attitude indicator. That was all there was to it. Tom asked who would like to go first and was met with silence. After a few minutes, some brave student agreed and climbed in behind Tom. It was more like getting into a bathtub than climbing up into a airplane as we knew it. A tow plane pulled the glider to its release point and when he was ready, Tom would drop the towline from the glider. The towing plane, a powerful homebuilt Maule, did not look much newer than the old glider but it was more than up to the job. It was much stronger than the planes most of had trained on but not much bigger. It eased forward until the towline was tight. Then someone had to lift the ling wing off the ground and hold it level. When the tow plane started to take off he had to hang on to it and run holding the wing a few feet until the glider stayed level on its own. It only took a few steps. We watched as the plane raced down the runway covering the glider in a trail of dust. I don’t think any of expected what happened next. The glider lifted off the ground first. The Maule quickly caught up and towed the glider high into the warm afternoon sky. Soon Tom released the tow like and the Maule quickly came into land. After about ten minutes or so of soaring, the glider safely returned. I watched the process several more times ad soon enough my turn came.

“I’ll help ya in man.” Ryan said.

He lifted me up and gently sat me down in the seat behind Tom. There was a control stick and a few levers I had no plans of touching. Ryan belted be in and stuck on my headset so I could communicate with Tom. The belts came across each shoulder and my lap. It was like strapping into a fighter jet except this thing did not have any engines. I knew right away I was in for a fun ride.

“Ready?” I heard Tom ask.

“Yes.”             

He radioed the pilot of the Maule and we were hurling down the runway. Just like the other flights, we lifted off first.

Tom told me “We have to hold the glider’s nose down until he lifts off.”

I noticed the stick pushed forward mirroring what Tom was doing up front. Then he eased up as we were towed higher and higher. The scene was beautiful. Hills covered in dark green trees starched out as far as the eye could see in any direction, large cumulus clouds loomed over head not yet threatening our afternoon of fun but building.

“Okay Paul, its time to release from the tow plane.”

Tom radioed the pilot pulled the release lever and the line snapped towards the plane like a rubber band but quickly straightened out. We banked left and the plane banked right. The practice is separate from each other for obvious reasons. Then everything went silent. We were alone soaring through the air as if in a vacuum. The only sound at all was the glider gently slipping through the air. It was barely auditable. The other sensation was a rapid slow down.  In just a few moments it felt like our speed was cut in half. I don’t know what flying on a magic carpet feels like but I bet this was pretty close. If we were descending any, I could not tell nor could I see the instruments Tom had up front.

“How long could we stay up, Tom?” I asked.                                                                                                                                     

“If we could catch some thermals, as long as we like. Some in the mountains ride several hundred miles. In other places, big parking lots generate good thermals especially in the summer.”

“That’s amazing!” I thought out loud.

A few minutes later Tom asked, “Ready to play fighter pilot?”

“Okay.” I answered nervously.

“We have to aim the glider at the ground in order to land and we pick up some pretty good speed.”

“Alright.”

Tom aimed for the grassy runway and our speed slowly built. At the last second he pulled the nose level with the ground and I felt the wheel behind me come in contact with the ground. We rolled quickly slowing down and came to a stop and the right wing tipped and touched the ground. It had been a fantastic ride. Tom opened the canopy and everyone clapped for our safe return. Ryan helped me unhook and take off the headset and then lifted me out with astonishing ease. It felt good to be back on the ground.

The last of the students went up and then we had a grilled hotdog and hamburger lunch. It was a fantastic afternoon. The clouds had given us just enough time for flying and lunch. Ryan and I drove home in a monster thunderstorm.                                    

Independence Powered By My New Sock Machine

           I had told friends my ultimate goal was to move out on my own. I had tried unsuccessfully for years to come up with a way of putting on my own socks. I never fully gave up on the idea but had almost lost all hope when I got a call from a friend and co-worker, Christine (Chris). She told me her boyfriend Joe had come up with an idea the night before.

            “Would you like to come over and give it a try?” She asked in her strong New York accent.

            “Sure. Can’t hurt.”

            Joe was also a co-worker and in fact I had worked with him before at Speedy Money. He was easy going and quiet carrying many ghosts from his multiple combat tours in Vietnam. He did not seem like the guy to answer the sock question. But I like them both and a visit would be cool. They lived way out in the middle of nowhere.

            Joe’s idea did not work quite like he thought it could but it opened a door for further exploration. His idea had two parts and I took one of them (with permission) and fooled around with it for several days. Rather quickly I mastered getting the socks on and off in a reasonable amount of time. I remember the first Bob was not around and I wanted to go somewhere but did not have my socks on. I used my new sock machine, the slipped into my shoes and walked out of the apartment a free man! I knew right away this was a game changer. From the on, I no longer had to drag Bob out of bed just to slide on two socks. He was almost as thankful as I was. Life can be messy but sometimes things have a way of falling right into place.

            Todd had decided to move to Nashville and asked if I would like to rent from his Mom. Together, they offered me a great deal that was not much more than I paid for the apartment. Both Bob and I were doing better financially and he managed to find a single bedroom apartment in the same complex we lived in for less money. Moving day was a pain in the ass times two.

           

            I was moving in at the same time Todd was moving out. We were roommates for about two days with two big piles of crap in the living room. People helping Todd tripped over people helping me and my stuff and vice-versa. At least everybody knew everybody and the transition went pretty smooth. In no time Todd was gone, except for a few pieces of furniture he gave me. The house was on one level with no steps and my handy dandy sock machine worked like a charm as it does to this day. This move was not near as emotional as leaving Virginia Street had been. Bob gained more privacy and I gained independence. Everyone was happy but I still had much to learn.

            The biggest new challenge was making all of my own meals. I was nowhere near a pay level that would allow for dining out all of the time. I would have to learn to grocery shop and cook on my own as well as load and unload a dishwasher. With Bob I cleaned off by dishes as best I could and left them stacked neatly on the counter. I did basically the same thing in my new home. Grocery shopping turned out to be pretty easy. I could push a grocery cart and load items in one by one until I had all I needed. Something out of reach, no problem. I’d ask another customer to grab it for me. Asking for help when I need it has never been a problem, I just always try to do it nicely. Store employees would always help me put the stuff in the car. I tried to tip a few of them but none would accept money from me. That was pretty cool I thought. The hardest part was getting the stuff into the house once I got home. It was a lot of work but I could manage it. I seldom felt like doing much more after a grocery run. With advice from Dad, I slowly learned how to cook. Being not much of a TV watcher, I came to enjoy cooking and a good way to pass the time. But there were something I could not do or proved very difficult.

           

I loved having a yard but there was no way I could cut grass. I had to find somebody and pay them. This was not too big a deal, Mom knew a guy who helped her from time to time with her secondhand store moving stuff, Buddy. He did all kinds of small odd jobs to supplement his monthly disability payment from Uncle Sam. There was no way he could do a regular forty-hour work-week with his COPD and other health problems. An hour or two here and there was no problem and he could not drive a car. I‘d go pick him and his mower up. I did not own a mower at the time. My lawn was small and he could do it with no problem. Soon I had buddy doing the other things that were very difficult for me, like laundry and cleaning the floors. He did not charge much money but got a steady income. I picked Buddy up every week or two. It was a small price to pay for living on my own at last. Having a trustworthy friend in Buddy made it possible.    

   

                         

Readings 11.21.12

From sex shops to coaching, services can help people with disabilities explore sensuality

Autistic Student Wins the Right to Go to School

The developmentally disabled continue to live and die without basic civil, human and due process rights

Disability Rights Movement

Good As Gold

Paul and Uncle Bob's Lake Front Adventure

One day Uncle Bob invited me to ride up to the new dock his son Rob had recently built on Hyco Lake. Sound like a good way to spend a beautiful sunny Sunday afternoon. I don’t remember why but we took Bob’s girlfriend’s four door Chevy Blazer. On the way, we stopped and grabbed a fast food burger. Hyco Lake is rural. There is no big town near by. The idea was just to go check out the dock hang around a few minutes and then drive home. Id did not work out that way. When we got there, I realized why we had the Blazer. We had to go down a steep hill on a path just wide enough for a vehicle and make a sharp left turn on the same path through woods and underbrush. The dock was cool looking with a roof like a house and benches providing plenty of seating for a good-sized lake party. I had barely opened my door before Bob had walked over and took a seat on the bench looking worn out rather suddenly.

“Bob! You okay?” I almost shouted.

“Yeah.” He responded rather weakly.

Getting out of the truck, I realized two things right away. First, he was not okay. Second, I could not get to him. There was a large gap between the bank and the dock. There was no way I could get on to the dock with out falling. Bob leaned back and became unresponsive to me calling his name. Our fun afternoon had gone south in a matter of minutes. The undergrowth prevented me from walking anywhere at all. I was limited to just walking around the Blazer by leaning on it. The hard way and the easy way were the only two options I had; crawl up to the road and hope someone stopped to see why I was lying on the ground or hope Bob left the keys in the Blazer. I looked in and was in luck, he had not taken the keys with him. They were hanging in the ignition. Bob was out cold by this time and I knew he needed sugar. Past experience told me he would not die right away but I knew he could if I failed to get help pretty quick. Carefully, I made my way around to the driver’s side and climbed in. Bob being close to my height had the seat right where I needed it to be. Wasting no time, I started it up and put in reverse and used the mirrors to back out the way we came in.

“Don’t get stuck.” I kept thinking over and over. Lucky for us the ground was not muddy at all. I backed up past the turn and shifted into drive to scoot back up the hill to the road. It was like being in a Chevy commercial. The Blazer flew up the hill only in two-wheel drive. Man, was I relieved! There were almost no houses on the road and no traffic. I hauled down to the stop sign and took a quick left. There were more houses and I saw a woman in her back yard and hung a quick right into her driveway. I was going a little fast and she startled as I stopped just a few feet from where she stood.

“Ma’m, I have a medical emergency. Can you call 911 for me?” I remained steady and she knew right away I was serious. This was long before cell phones were everywhere and even if I had one, I doubt I would have got a signal. We were a good ten to fifteen miles from even a small town.

“I’ve got a cordless phone, I’ll bring it to you.” She answered.

The 911 Operator picked up right away and I told her what was going on and with the homeowner’s help managed to give a good idea of Bob’s location. I gave the phone back to the kind woman and thanked her then headed back towards Bob’s location. I could already hear the sirens. Those country guys had their act together but they were having trouble finding the path down to Bob. One stopped and asked if I could show the location. I drove back down the little road and stopped in front of the path. Several rescue squad guys waked down to Bob and brought him out on a stretcher.

“He should be okay but we want to take him to the hospital for more treatment. Just follow us.”  One of the rescuers told me.

I followed the ambulance to a small hospital a good twenty minutes away. After waiting around an hour or so Bob finally emerged looking as if nothing had happened. He thanked me and offered to drive hone.

“No, I think I’ll drive.”

“I guess you’ve had enough bullshit for one afternoon.” He smiled and we walked back to the Blazer. On the way home, we recounted our stories. Of course it was scary but I knew I could not panic or freak out. I thought through each step and did them one at a time. The notion of Bob dying never crossed my mind. One way or another, I was not going to let that happen. Later that summer we returned to the same dock with a few friends and had a ball.  I like Uncle Bob and he was pretty close to an ideal roommate.

The Red Moon Festival II

With that she took his hand and walked into the ruins both their hearts now pounding all the more full of unsatisfied desire. The storm made a sound they had never herd before, a non-stop deep shuttering rumble. Ankius thought it was just the heat of the moment and Lissandra worried the place may have been haunted after all. Ahead there was a small outcrop of rock that could keep the rain off of them but the noise grew louder and louder. Holding hands they got under the roof and looked back. Neither could ignore the growing noise. A white spot light from the clouds lit up the two lovers and they froze with fear breathing heavy not knowing what to expect. The light stayed on and the sound grew even louder. The low hanging dark black clouds began to change color as the Gods themselves  must be approaching. Bright green, purple, red, blue and yellow filled all the sky they could see. Then what looked like two massive white flat bowls stacked opposite ends appeared. Just looking at it hurt their eyes. Lissandra let out a loud frightening scream and ran off back towards the woods and the gathering. A new light followed her bathing her in a beautiful soft white light her long blond hair bouncing as she ran. It was both terrifying and astonishingly beautiful all at once and Ankius remembered the image for the rest of his life. He looked up at the strange object in awe and lost his fear. Trying to look at it was difficult as he stepped from underneath the outcrop. It dropped a small shiny object to the ground close to Ankius. It was a necklace with a tiny ten-pointed star with a white stone in the middle. He lifted it up and put around his neck watching the strange object above. Then it slowly faded back into the clouds and all of the colors disappeared one by one green, yellow, purple and last blue. The sound faded as well. Ankius passed out. 

“Get up, you young fool!” Ulric kicked him in the side.

Ankius stirred finding himself still under the rock outcrop looking up at Ulric and two other men he did not know.  

“You left my sword in the woods and I have half a mind to beat you into the ground before I take you back to Rivcon and watch as he does the same.”

 “I’m so sorry my lord.” Ankius stammered as he got to his feet.

“The lady gave him a handsome gift for her brave escort.” One of the men said pointing to the shiny star around his neck.

The other man threw Ankius’ clothes at him.

“How nice indeed. But given your age and the extreme level of female temptation I have to let it go. For, I doubt I would have done much better. You must be tired. Come let’s go find something to eat before we go home.”

Ulric gave him a strong slap on the back and the three men shared a hearty laugh. They started to walk back.

“Did you see Lissandra? Is she okay?”

“Alive and well, Ankius, thanks to her nanny. She takes good care of Lissandra despite her appetite for young men such as yourself. If he father found out you both may be done for.”

“Did you see the lights and the thing in the storm last night?”

“I’d say the young lady did quite a job on the man last night!” One of Ulric’s friends said drawing a new round of laughter.

“Ankius, I’ll not mention this to anyone but if you ever borrow another man’s sward, never leave it alone! We all have had a damn good laugh but we shall speak of this no more.” Ulric yelled playfully slapping Ankius on the back of the head.

Ankius knew now was the time to let the matter drop. Ulric was a close friend of both his as well as his father’s. Had he indeed lost the sward, it would have placed a great burden on the family to replace it. He never saw Lissandra in person again but she visited him often in dreams and visions for decades to come.                

The Red Moon Festival I

This from another book I'm working on. Enough about me personally for a bit. Let me know what ya think. This is a tale from another time and place.  -Paul 

  

            The Red Moon Festival was the final event before winter really set in. It was the last thing to look forward to before short cold days and long colder nights took hold of the entire realm. People gathered from both kingdoms to celebrate the peace that had come not so long ago. They had everything food, games, markets and members of the opposite sex. He had been going all his life and now he was old enough to participate in games of sport. Archery, hammer throwing and even wrestling had come naturally to him. It seemed he was gifted directly from the gods with both strength and even greater quickness. He came up just short in winning the archery contest losing only to Godart who was fifteen years older and highly experienced and battle tested. In wrestling, he defeated six out of seven opponents barely losing his last match. In hammer throwing he placed third among forty men. Not bad for his first time participating in the games. It was late afternoon on the third and final day and his efforts had not gone unnoticed. A late summer storm brewed in the distance.

            “It looks like you have a new admirer, young Ankius.” Ulric said nodding to a beautiful young blond maiden looking in their direction. Her dress suggested royalty.

            “I think she’s looking at you, sir. Who is she?” He good-humouredly answered his older and wiser neighbor.        

            “That’s Lissandra. She’s the grand daughter of King Adokhan and it has been a long time since I’ve participated in the games. You are the one she is interested in and your strength is no match for her my young friend try as you might.”

            “Let’s see.” He answered Ulric with a bright smile.

            Ankius tried to put on an air of the invincibility he had felt playing sport but his stomach was tied up in knots. He had to speak to her for she was the most beautiful young woman he had ever seen. She was just a year or two older than he was. How could he approach her and not look the part of the fool? But he had to try. He took Ulric’s words as a challenge and soon everyone would be leaving. It would be a long wait until next year.

            Ankius got an ale from a near by tent and sat down alone in the grass to think about how to approach the beautiful Lissandra. The breeze lifted his short blond hair and tickled the new hair rising on his face and the strong dark ale went right to his head. He could count the ales he had drank before in his life on one hand. He caught her glances several times since the challenge from Ulric. Each time she quickly looked away but could not hide her interest in the new comer to the games. Ankius could not find her in the crowd and his heart sank at the notion of having to wait until Maypol, the spring gathering, to see her again.  He downed the last third of his ale in one last sip and in a few minutes resolved to get another and look for his new love. She was walking towards him holding an ale in each hand with a nervous and mischievous smile. His eyes had to be playing tricks on him he thought. This could not be happening. Her beauty blinded him to everything else going on near by. The rowdy crowd noise faded and he could feel is tongue tying up along with his stomach.

            “You are Ankius?” She asked nervously knowing full well who he was.

            “Yes.” Was all he could answer.

            “I am Lissandra.” She handed him the ale.

            “Please to meet you and thank you my lady.” Ankius clumsily got to his feet and bowed politely. The first ale was even stronger than he realized. 

            “It has been a great first year of games for you.” She too was nervous and this made Ankius feel a little better.

            “Yes, thank you.” He was unsure what to say, not wanting to look too proud. 

            “Will you walk with me? There are some ancient ruins not far from here I’ve always wanted to see. Every year I come, I want to go see them but my nanny will not let me. She says it is no place for young ladies and perhaps she is right. For it is said ghosts from ages ago still roam the grounds wanting to take vengeance upon the living. I want to see if this is true. Will you come with me as my escort?”

            Not fully believing his ears Ankius still managed a strong sounding “Yes my lady.”

            “Meet me at the edge of the woods on the opposite side of the temple in fifteen or so minutes.”

“I will be there and we will go looking for ghosts my Lady.”

            “Meet you there and please call me Lissandra.” With that she was off.      

            It had to be a dream he thought as he watched her walk away. There was only one way to find out. Sipping his ale he realized he could not escort a young Lady without any weapons. Asking his father was out of the question. Ulric may be more agreeable and Ankius found him playing dice with friends.

“Ulric. May I have a word alone with you sir?”

‘What does a strong up and soon to be champion want with a poor old man?” He was several ales ahead of Ankius already.

“Please sir, just a moment.”    

“Gentleman, please excuse me as I see what the young man needs.”  

He followed Ankius a short distance.

“Well, what is it?”

“Lissandra wants me to escort her to the old ruins near by and I need a sward to be a proper escort. Do you have one I can borrow?”

Ulric let a loud belly laugh. “I don’t think she wants an old man’s sward my friend. You will have no problem there!”

“Please Ulric! I’ll bring it back.” Ankius missed the joke in all his excitement.

“Alright but clean it if you have to use it!” Ulric took off his belt and handed it to Ankius.

“Thank you Ulric!”

“Don’t get caught my young friend. We cannot help you against the king.”

“No worry.”        

Ankius ran to the woods not knowing if she would show or not. The two ales took their toll and he realized he had to relieve himself really bad. “Be quick!” He thought as he found a big tree. He would hate if Lissandra showed up right then. He finished and looked around and still no Lissandra. Time slowed to a craw and he watched all of the people singing and dancing ignoring the looming thunderstorm. Had she taken him for a fool he thought? He felt a touch of anger starting to build up inside like the distant thunderheads. If she had, there was nothing he could do. Giving up at last he slowly started back toward the gathering.

“Ankius!” A loud whisper came from behind him.

He turned and there she was. With the darkening sky, he could only see her outline. She took off her bonnet, let it drop to the ground and untied her hair and shook it loose. Giggling, she trotted off into the forest behind her. Ankius followed not too far behind. He could hear Lissandra but not see her and followed the sound of her playful laughter. Soon he saw her cape lying on the ground, then her sandals, her dress and her corset. There was nothing else to leave behind. His heart raced with excitement as he followed her laughs and excited giggles up a hill into the old stone ruins. Heavy raindrops started to fall and lightening flashed not so far away.  He saw her naked body bathed in the blue flash and she had stopped running. Ankius started taking off his clothes as he slowly approached. Lissandra was breathing heavy watching him close in ignoring the heavy raindrops and increasing wind. In a moment they stood before each other and Ankius embraced and kissed her deeply as the sky opened up a downpour.

She pulled back “I know a dry place close.”

Vacation With Tom and Uncle Ho Part I

Room with a View. 

            I received an email from an old family friend living in Vietnam asking how I would feel about a southeastern Asian vacation. I liked the idea! The great Bulgarian adventure gave me all the confidence I needed.  Also, I knew Tom since I was a little boy.  He was a three tour Vietnam Veteran.  He had always wanted to revisit Vietnam and in 2004 he went back. He decided to stay.  Tom invited me to come see him in July, 2005.  A few weeks later I Arrived in Saigon, now officially renamed Ho Chi Minh City. I learned a lot more about barriers in Vietnam. It is not what we would call “handicapped accessible”. The people however made the difference. Whatever help I needed bystanders gave me, and many times they did so without even being asked. I have always heard about how Asian people shunned the handicapped.  My experience was the complete opposite. I don't think what I heard was completely untrue.  I know a large part of how I was treated was because they perceived me as a rich Westerner.  During this first trip, I received at least three marriage proposals.  Two of the ladies were pretty cute and the third I think was old enough to be my grandmother. No thanks. Vietnam turned out to be more challenging than Bulgaria.

Getting Our Food On.  

The trip getting to Vietnam is much longer than going to Bulgaria.  From when I left my house here in Greensboro, to the small hotel in Ho Chi Minh City took about 28 hours.  By the time I got there, I wasn't quite sure of my name or even what day it really was.  If Bulgaria was a different culture, Vietnam may as well have been another world altogether.  I sure was glad to see Tom and his entourage of Montyards and Vietnamese at the airport.  We squeezed into a taxi and headed to the hotel.  Even traffic is different there.  Most people get around on bikes and scooters, rain or shine.  There are thousands of them mixed in among cars, buses and trucks.  All the way to the hotel I kept thinking we were going to hit one of the scooter riders. The other big difference is the use of horns. Here, we use horns to sometimes help avoid accidents but more often when someone pisses us off. The horn is usually followed by gestures ad shouts to make the other aware of our displeasure. The horn has an all together different role in Vietnam. There it serves much the same purpose as a sonar. The horn lets others know where you are. Honking the horn every minute or so lets the slower riding scooters and bikes to move over. It also alerts drivers to others in their blind spot. It is loud and busy. One nice thing is there are no worries about winding up in a shoot out over being cut off. The whole mentality is different. It is not an all out free for all competition. People are simply trying to get where they are going. Owning a gun there and getting caught means a nice long prison sentence. I don’t think they have any interest in owning guns. The streets seem bust and chaotic but completely lack the fear factor we have grown accustomed to here in America. I had the added advantage of having a local guide who had local friends. 

Jungle.

*** Tom had already scouted for a good hotel that I could get in and out of pretty easy.  When we got there we had a few Heineken's and talked for an hour or two.  It was midnight there but my body was saying it is noon. It had a surreal dreamlike quality to it. It took me a few days to get my sleep right and know for sure the day of the week. The time difference from where I live is 12 hours and that take some time to adjust to. The diet is also very different but not as much as one might think. I usually ate eggs and toast for breakfast and similar food to what we eat here for lunch and dinner, assuming a healthy diet. I cannot use chopsticks and brought my own silver. It turned out I did not need to bring my own. Every place I went had silverware just for the asking. The hotel was easy to adapt to. On this trip, I got many more opportunities to learn how to get by in new places.  

Meeting Uncle Ho.

Introduction Draft...

Just a pic of a polar bear... 

 

From “He’ll Never Walk” to Hanoi.

Who is this book for anyway? Who should read it and why? How do I put it? “handicapped”, “physically challenged”, “differently abled”? I’m sure there’s a whole host of other politically correct terms I could come up with.  But here’s the deal, anyone with a physically noticeable handicap and those whose lives are touched by them can draw some things from this book. In writing this, I did a lot of soul searching and realized I may have a few things worth sharing. Much of it you may already know. Many people with physical disabilities are inspirational to others, enrich their communities and live truly wonderful lives. You may not agree with all the ideas I share and that’s fine. That said, I hope you will do some thinking about yourself and relating positively to others. If you know a handicapped person, hopefully you will come away with a little of our prospective of the world and even a better understanding of yourself. I write from my heart and I think many things in this book apply to a lot of people and I have had many good life experiences to back up my thoughts and ideas.    

Why am I writing this book? Well, I’ll tell you. One night I had just finished bringing in an oversized load of groceries after a long day at work.  After getting everything put away I was dead tired! There’s nothing unique about my experience or is there more to it than just another weekday?  I carried the items in small bags making five or six trips to and from the car.  Then one by one, I put each thing away.  I was also quite happy with myself. I do things a little differently than most people because I’m put together a little different. I’ve learned over the years through much trial ad error how to live on my own despite considerable physical limitations. It seems like knowledge worth sharing. It is more than just figuring out day-to-day tasks, I think it also takes a certain kind of attitude to overcome obstacles day in and day out. This is the most important message. Slow down, take each problem one at a time and create the necessary steps to overcome it.

Uncle Ho's Monument, Hanoi Vietnam 

Once a guy asked me to describe my condition over the telephone and I did not really know how to begin. Not because I’m shy about it or have complexes, rather I was just not sure how to proceed. There’s no good way to get it across. I really still can’t. But let me try. The Doc’s call it Arthogryposis Multiplex Congenita  (AMC) but I call it a bunch of conditions that they don’t really know what to make of so they lump them together. For some unknown reason the connection from my brain to a number of muscle groups do not work, so the muscles do not develop. It limits movement  in both my arms legs hands and even  my feet. My right leg is just a little shorter than the left but I can still walk fairly well just not real fast or too far. This will give you the idea, remove one shoe and walk around a little paying attention to your lower back. It’s a different way of getting from a to b. but it is doable. I also have what they call clubfeet. They are small and bend in toward the toes. It’s kind of a miracle I can walk on them at all but they get me around pretty well.  My arms are much shorter than usual and my hands bend in at the wrist. My hands are small and the fingers do not bend all that much. As far as AMC goes, my case is middle of the road. Some people have much more severe limitations than I do and have even bigger challenges to deal with. If you look up AMC on the internet you will not find all that much. It’s very rare. Because of that, the research dollars are not there the same as for more well known diseases such as Autism or Multiple Sclerosis. It’s not all negative physically for me. I have a very strong back and neck. A strong person can lift from laying on the floor on my back  to standing up the floor easily by simply putting their hand behind my head and standing me up like a 2x4!  I also know how to fall with out getting hurt (most of the time)! If I trip (which is rare thank God)) I turn on the way down and usually land on my back avoiding injury. Most look out in front of them while walking. I do also but spend about half the time watching carefully where my feet are going. If I fall where there is nothing like a chair or a couch around to pull myself up on I’m stuck until somebody helps me out. Believe me I’ve learned to be careful!  Yes, you can find me in a crowd real easy! I do stand out! But that’s not a bad thing really. It is all in how you use what you got.

Me a long long time ago and John's VW Van. Who is John? (He's in the book). 

Yes, I could lay out of work, collect some kind of disability money and be an alcoholic couch potato but after a week or so that would get old. Sad to say but our society would find that acceptable.  If you are reading this you likely already know how bad daytime TV is. So with the help of many others, I went out into the world,  got a degree in English and another in Aviation Management  for fun and then a Master’s Degree in Conflict Resolution. A lot of people age and start to slow down, settling into routines and schedules. For me it has been just the opposite in many ways. I’ve slowly learned how to do more things on my own, got stronger mentally and physically, and most importantly realized there is nothing more important than living up to one’s full potential. Yeah, I hope I have learned a thing or two about life worth sharing. In this world there is little we can accomplish alone. We all get help from others. But it all starts from with in each of us reaching out to others. We make the world we live in for good or bad, trust me on this one!  If you look for and always expect the worst in others, that is what you will get.

All good parents encourage their children to meet and overcome adversity in some way or another; sports, academics, art, community involvement and tons of other ways. My parents are no exception. They decided not to hide me away from the world but toss me in headfirst. I went to the same schools as my non-handicapped peers almost right from the start.

So why should I write a book if I’m like everybody else? I’m not exactly. Neither are you. Being put together a little different can be a great teacher and it has for me. It all starts from with in. What we make our world mentally it will be. Sure I get down from time to time but life is too short to stay down for long. Remember the two-year rule, if something has upset or offended you, will you even remember it in two years? If not, let it roll off and get on with life. Now just because I’m writing a book does not mean I take myself too seriously. I can laugh at myself also. I know I do not have all of the answers but perhaps a few. Please take a little time, kick back, relax and let us share a few thoughts, laughs and lessons about the world we all live in. I hope to help inspire other to reach their full potential, inform people and demonstrate how far we can all go with a positive out look and a little humor despite any challenges we face. Thank you and enjoy.

Clouds and moon, thanks NASA.