Bully stuff I

I prefer a give and take style of speaking. One has to be very very good to stand and give a talk for an extended period of time. I may get there sometime but feel I have a ways yet to go. To keep people in it so to speak, I like them to participate. So I'll ask questions and have others speak as well. I think this is something we are missing. How often are we asked to be herd in an open and free way? All too often, we are isolated in our own bubble suffering silently. Yes, I like to blog and post stuff on Face Book but that is no substitute for meeting with people and sharing together. So what did I get out of sharing dialogue last Tuesday? The topic of bullying came up and it is too important to ignore. It got me to thinking and I decided to look a little closer at the issue.

Like far too many, I too experienced being bullied. Thank goodness it was not for too long, just one semester around 5th grade. I went to a new school and did not fit in. I quickly found myself friendless, alone and in day to day misery. I'm not sure what it was. Before this time I never had any real problems in school. In the new school I was met with a mixture of cold indifference and utter contempt. I never suffered direct violence but felt the threat of it was always looming. This may be worse.  Each day was a struggle to get through but sad to say I never shared these troubles with anyone. Why? At the time, we had just bought a new house and my Grandmother had moved in with us. She had been my best friend and perhaps my biggest advocate my whole life. We learned she had cancer which proved to be fatal.  I did not want to ad my problems on top of what we were going through so I just muddled through each day as best I could. My parents were no fans of the public schools and at the end of the semester decided I'd be going to a private school. Thank god the nightmare was over. Looking back I did not handle it well at all. What could I have done different? 

In hindsight look back from decades later with the advantages of a lot of experience and much education, I'd say I needed to let someone know what was going on. I never had a problem with communicating with Mom and Dad. I could have let them know. I could have asked to meet with a school counselor or even the principal. Perhaps I could have done a better job of befriending a few fellow students. Now I'd say the most important thing is not going it alone. If I had to deal with that crap for several years, my life could have turned out very differently in a negative way. I'm not trying to blame myself, just thinking of better options than the "keep it to myself" one I chose. Why do students feel the need to put down and hurt others? As we all know this had lead to suicides. So why do kids bully and what does it do to them? 

Kids bully for a number of complex reasons. I think the most basic reason is they gain a sense of power. Schools all too often tend to be more about disempowerment than learning. The students have no say in what they study for the most part and coercive controls are employed to manage behavior. Cliques form and those who are not "in" are "out" and as a result subject to dehumanization. When a person is reduced to an object, anything can be done to them. Peer pressure can exacerbate the problem. The bully is egged on by his peers. If a kid comes from an abusive home where he or she lives in fear, bullying may be an outlet by providing a sense of power. If this twisted "need" to be seen as powerful goes on, it can lead to unhealthy relationships, continuing a cycle of abuse and time in a state correctional facility, you know prison.                

Part II Soon.