Survivors II

From http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/

I got enough control of my fear to respond. I wasn’t sure I liked his speech, so I said; “What’s the big secret? I’m sure there is a point to this lecture.”

He broke a slight grin and after a few moments he replied in an even quieter voice; “I am afraid you misunderstand me. I’m not here to scold you or your silly kind. The difference between us is scale not kind. It was a war that brought me here, not some great desire to get the last word of dying world. Our wars are just longer and more far-flung than yours. My ship was attacked, and I figured this dying rock would buy me a little more time. I was the only survivor. Like so many others, I want to live, even if it was only a few more hours or minutes.”

I really understood his last words. Oh, the things I had done for the same ends.

He added, “I should not be surprised by our similarities, but I always am. I have nothing to live for but my next breath, like you. I thought I was different, but I’m not. We cannot escape what we are, no way. Where I come from knowledge is the key. But we have failed to learn from mistakes like yours, so we will end up like you- a dead end life form. It will take a little longer , that’s all”.

I asked him, “So what kind of knowledge do you kill for? Was it the same kind of crap we killed for here? Did you see what was there or what you wanted to be there?

“It was not quite the same things you used to look for, but the reason is always the same, power. It’s always is the bottom line. Power over death and each other is what we all seek. Knowledge is the means.”

I wanted to know one more thing from him. “Why did you seek me here on this high rock? You came to me remember?” “Knowledge.” was his reply.

“You already knew my story, even before you saw me. Why climb the hill?”

“Hope... But there is none here.”

We stared off into the glow of the reddish sky. There were few stars visible and nothing but lifeless sand below. His breath became heavier and heavier as the life drained out of him. He could not get enough air. The Specter broke the stillness once more.

“Do you have a way to record our little talk?”

I told him I could write it down, but it was doubtful if anyone would ever read it.

“Survivor. Let it be our little gift to posterity.” He said in a low whisper.

I asked if there was anything else I could do for him. Something about him demanded respect. I don’t know if it was his age, wisdom, or continuous unforgiving stare.

“No... It is time for me to leave you now. My suffering is almost at an end. I’m sorry I can’t say the same for you, unlucky survivor!”

With that, he faded back into the warm still night. Blaze looked nervously at me. He was still the whole time. Was the Specter real? We did not know. I still don’t. I guess he was real enough. Maybe the night was playing with my tortured soul. There was no sleep the rest of that night. The hours passed painfully slow. A little before dawn, I saw a tower of red and yellow flame on the desert floor below. The Specter suffered no more. Now, I write this all down as he asked. It was many years ago, how many I don’t know. What year is it any way?

The Specter was right. I suffered. It is a byproduct of surviving. Now at last, my time is almost over and I will suffer no more. Too bad I can’t say the same for you unlucky survivor!

Survivors I

From http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/

Here's an old story I wrote a long time ago. 

A darker story. 

Survivors

Dead... That was all I could see for miles around. The Hill was a good place to be. You could see for miles all the way to the horizon and it was difficult to get to. Sometimes, on the way to Deablo Mesa I would spend the night there. One never knew what tricks the road would bring, especially at night. Most of the time I could sense trouble long before it came. This had saved my life more than once. The hairs on the back of my neck would stand up and I would look over my shoulder feeling a giant silent black wave was about to crash down on me.

One night many years ago I had that feeling. This time it was no warning of danger. It was much worse. Before this particular night, all had been calm. It had been days since I had seen another living soul. Times like this I was most on edge. Days and days of silence can do this. Slowly, the wave started to build. I knew from previous experience to heed its warning. There was nothing I could do but play the waiting game.

The best place for this was the Hill. A huge clump of rocks and dead scrub brush in the middle of a desert plain was the only really safe place for miles. The top of the Hill was hard to get to, even with a good four wheel drive like mine. Very few people ventured out this far into no man’s land. Most of them stayed prisoners in the fortified cities.

I chose to wander among the hordes and other nomads. Along with my four by four and weapons, I kept a large gray mutt named Blaze. He was good for advanced warnings. He could hear and smell danger long before I could. Like me, he had a sixth sense for danger. I could tell when something had him nervous. This was another thing that saved me more than once. One of us was clued in to future trouble ahead of time. The only things that kept you alive out here were brains, good weapons and blind luck. That night, Blaze also knew something was up. He was barking at shadows. Every thing seemed normal, except the red haze was a little brighter than usual. Below was nothing but dull white sand dotted with scrub brush.  The Hill was kind of island. The land and sky blended together leaving no definite horizon. After the last world war, Mother Earth refused the dust of our tattered cities. The sky became the reluctant host of our mistakes.

Sleep was impossible with the wave barring down on me. I just sat wondering what was going on in Blaze’s mind as he stared into the unrelenting darkness of the warm still night. He knew it the same time I did, some one was approaching and they were close. We felt him as he closed in on us. Suddenly, he or maybe I should say it, stepped from behind my truck! Anything else and I would have reached for my .44 Mag. I kept on my side. Instead, I froze. Blaze froze. He was as dumbfounded as I was. The Specter looked more like a machine than a man. He wore a thick mustard yellow suit sort of like the Dusties would wear. (They would go into the old burned out cities and look for anything of value to trade with.) Only his head was exposed. His skin was wrinkled and pearl white. A blue tube ran from the suit to his nostrils. Despite the warm night, his breath was thick steam. I remember all of this, but most of all I remember his eyes. They sat way back in his skull. The pupils were ice blue and the whites were a bright clear yellow. Sharp, cold and unforgiving was his stare. He had seen a lot. That was obvious. After a long silence he spoke in a quiet deep voice in words I could understand.

”It’s over for us." he started “Just a matter of time. I couldn’t live here before your little war it’s even harder now. But before I die... I’ll tell you what I know about us. You’ll know most of it already.”

I sat in amazement as he went on.

“Your kind is going fast. In a matter of decades you all will be just another dead end. Ah, don’t look so surprised, it happens to most life forms in the universe., especially intelligent life forms. They seldom make it past adolescence. You got as far as most. In my own time, I have seen the end of many. It is fitting that I too will parish on a dying rock of a world. You already know why you and the others failed, so I won’t bore you with an explanation. We watched it all unfold. You got the power to control your own destiny and simply couldn’t handle it. We cannot interfere, you see. That is one of the few laws we never break. We watch others to gain knowledge. Knowledge to us, is like money was to you. It has value, we exchange it, and yes, even kill for it. Knowledge is power.”

I listened in silence. Blaze sat still.

“Among the stars, it is more healthy. Why even you would live a few thousand years. I dwelled there more than a hundred thousand years... Whole civilizations are born and die in that amount of time and very few last that long. Those that do will not last forever.”

PART II Very Soon. 

Readings January 21, 2013

Happy Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr Day

ADA compliance should be priority

Human rights of persons with disabilities Disability History Timeline Leaders in the Disability Civil Rights Movement (pdf)Civil Rights

Close Encounter With Stick-Up Men

this is a .45 but you get the idea.

 Working at Speedy Money could be an adventure as I soon found out.

One day I came in and was getting ready to do my bank run when a customer came in early and asked to use the restroom (Big Red Flag I missed). The person at the counter let him know we did not have a public restroom. I got the deposit ready to take to our bank and headed out my car the same as I did every morning. I saw a few people waiting in a car and thought customers waiting for us to open. I climbed into my car and was about to turn it on when I felt something on my side. I turned to see what it was and there was this dude squatted next to me holding a 9mm to my side. My day had just gone south.

“Do what I say and you won’t get hurt.” He said calmly like a guy who made his living this way.

The more scary part was he wore no mask. I looked at my lap the whole time and kept calm.

“What’s in that bag?” He was referring to the deposit bag.

“A little cash and some checks.”

“Hand it to me.”

I slowly passed it to him.

“How much money is inside” He asked in a calm voice.

I knew it was not much and gave him a pretty close estimate. If I was off or gave the wrong amount somebody could get shot and our Collections Manager, Heidi was four months pregnant. That’s what worried me the most as the scene slowly unfolded.

“You stat right here until we’re gone.” He said as he removed my keys from the ignition and stepped back. Everything was vivid. I could see the threads on my pants and the stitching on the steering wheel. It was a perfect sunny day. I ventured a glance in the rearview mirror and helplessly watched as three people trotted into the store with my robber. I waited. They quickly emerged and I rediscovered how interesting threads and stitching could be. They drove off a little quick but not too quick. They had done this before.

I could not run but I made it back inside pretty damn fast and found no one was hurt but all were badly shaken. Two of the new collectors were holding each other praying another was crying and Heidi was a little stunned. She had called the cops as well as Chris and Jeff (the owners of Speedy money). The cops came and got statements and descriptions from us and Chris gave us the day off. Jeff was enraged but soon calmed down. Soon everyone was gone but Jeff and I. For nothing better to do, we reopened and I decided to stay. I saw no advantage in going home and stewing about what had happened. It would not be my last robbery. Understandably, I never saw Heidi again. The other collectors all came back. One of them was picked to take Heidi’s place. The family had other plans for me.

Johnny (the big boss above even Chris and Jeff) came and took me to lunch one day. “Paul, how would you feel about training new employees for the company?”

It was an offer I could not refuse...

Readings 1.15.2013

Handicapped people have bigger issues than finding a parking space. Here are a few examples. 

A Not So Merry Christmas for American Disabled

EDITORIAL: Disabling employment

Structural Violence, Peace–And the Handicapped

Insensitivity to handicapped individuals demeaning

Disabilities law changed our perceptions

Bully Stuff II

Picking up where I left off a week or two ago.

From Bully Stuff I 

Kids bully for a number of complex reasons. I think the most basic reason is they gain a sense of power. Schools tend to be more about disempowerment than learning. The students have no say in what they study for the most part and coercive controls are employed to manage behavior. Cliques form and those who are not in are "out" and as a result subject to dehumanization. When a person is reduced to an object, anything can be done to them. Peer pressure can exacerbate the problem. The bully is egged on by his peers. If a kid comes from an abusive home where he or she lives in fear, bullying may be an outlet by providing a sense of power. If this twisted "need" to be seen as powerful goes on, it can lead to unhealthy relationships, continuing a cycle of abuse and time in a state correctional facility, you know prison.                

I think much of bullying come from how schools are often run and structured. There are far too many similarities between a prison and a typical public school. Kids, the same as inmates, have very little control over their own lives. They are told where and when to be somewhere, told what to do and sadly subject to unreasonable searches. This is a whole other subject all to it self. If you want to explore it more, check out the movie / documentary The War on Kids. It is disturbing viewing and obvious we need real education reform that gets away from our long outdated education model from the 1800's. This is how I see it but.. I could be wrong. Been reading a lot on the Prison Industrial Complex (PIC) lately. This cannot be fixed over night. What can we do in the mean time? 

Just punishing the "bully" may make us feel better but does little toward resolving the issue for the long term. People are complex and thus there are no easy one size fits all answers. Cases need to be looked at on an individual level and examined holistically. We need to be asking what in Johnny and Jenny bully's environment is creating the perverted need to put down, pick on and hurt their fellow students?  Are there unaddressed issues at home such abuse (physical, verbal and emotional)? Could it be peer pressure driving and egging on the behavior? The cycle of pick on someone and be rewarded for it has to be broken. Anyone who has gone through the ordeal of American public schools has seen this. Students who reward the bully (saying your cool, I think you are funny or joining in) need to be called on to individually explain their actions to their classmates as well as their parents. In other words, the must be given an opportunity to reflect on and explain their actions. There appears to be plenty if information on how not to become a victim of bullying. Look here, here and here. There are tons more. All this is well and good but has anyone asked why are are there bullies in the first place? We need to hold up a mirror to our communities.

I come from an alternative dispute resolution background and I feel our current "punishment only" does little to solve problems such as bullying. As I mentioned in the previous post the future for a non-stop bully is not all that good; bad relationships, less education and into the abyss of state corrections come to mind. The bully is also a child let's not forget. Many so called indigenous groups deal with actions that hurt the community differently than a focus on punishment. Rather, the community of the offender, in this case the bully, is called together to discuss the harm done, what caused it and how it will be repaired. We have to do more than say bullies are bad because if we are not careful this may lead to their dehumanization and the very cycle we are trying to prevent just acquires a new target. We need to take a holistic approach that examines a community capable of producing children who delight in the suffering of others.

This may be getting away from the overall topic of this blog but as someone who has been both a perpetrator and a victim of bullying I feel compelled to address the topic further. Plus, I got a really good response to the last post on this topic. Let's keep the conversation going. Please comment.              

Bulgarian Adventure Talk Thoughts

Paul and Kato

It was a good turnout this past Tuesday, I met some great people and go some good feedback. The idea of immigration came up as far as learning about learning a new culture, being in a new and unfamiliar environment and overcoming our own stereotypes. It is an area I could explore more with others as I give this and other talks.

The theme of accessibility came up as well, Here accessibility is in the law but in my experience too many places meet the requirements following the letter of the law while remaining inaccessible. I plan a picture project in the next month or two to demonstrate what I mean. Bulgaria has no ADA and I had to rely on others for help when I needed it. In my case the help was always there when needed. Honestly, I don't know how it would be for handicapped Bulgarians I'd rather be in a society where getting help when needed is from my fellow citizens is never a problem than one that wants to fix the problems and barriers faced by the so called disabled via laws only. Overall, I'd say Americans are great helpers when asked (and sometimes when not). But too many disabled / handicapped people are left with too little education and condemned to a life of poverty.

I'm writing these talks as I schedule them and know I need to practice more. I hope to get to the point I don't even need to bring notes or an outline. Practice Practice and more practice!

Thanks for the encouragement.

-Paul

Explanation

From http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/

Hi All and thanks for reading. The fiction entries are from another book I've almost completed. People seem to enjoy them so I sprinkle them in from time to time. Yes, Ankius, Xerces and Dzann are all connected along with others. All in good time. I'm looking forward to getting both book projects off the ground this year.

I'll be adding more about bullies later this week. It is an important topic.

-Paul 

Meet Xerces II and Dr. Dzann

More fiction for the New Year!  

Xerces is small and rather unremarkable which made him the perfect spy. He could go in and out of places unnoticed and seldom seen. This served him well until he started to learn more and more about the entities he served.  He knew all aspects of his craft, networks, humit, counter intelligence, making everyday people into espionage machines and how to be rid of them if they created a “problem”. He was on the fast track to making it somewhere high up in the machine. That is until he started to find out answers to his own nagging questions. Worse still, he shared his answers thus creating a tiny crack in the foundation of Fellix state power. Xerces hoped it was a start to a revolution he knew from years of experience was still at least a generation or so away.  He had no fear of execution. The death penalty may be gone but accidents still happen from time to time. But too many now knew his story. The Federation had something else in mind, something more useful.   

Exile, that is the term they use. In ages past he may have been put to death for his crime of questioning widely known or not. His exact crime is of little importance now. Let’s simply say he gave knowledge to those who were not expecting it and in doing so enraged the most powerful people of the whole Federation. A few still called for bringing back the death penalty in his case, an example was needed they argued. But in time calm reason won the day. There was talk of sending him back for more reeducation and retraining but this had been tried four times already. Poor stubborn Xerces never seemed to learn questioning things was not good for order much lass his health. Exile was a punishment for this sort of thing, one thought to be worse than death itself. 

The idea is simple; make the less desirables deep space explorers, very deep space.  Advanced life support systems make death all but a sick joke. Immortality is a curse. Who wants to live on in good health knowing all your loved ones have grown old withered and died? There can never be any real rest crossing vast expanses only to cross another and another after that. The first exiles were sent out ages before Xerces came along and the knowledge they gained still flows back but for the benefit of only a few. This may be the worse part of all. He knows they sent many after him. Who cares if they never return? In fact, they are not supposed to. Exile is for life, never ending life. There is no way out once the final decision is made. It only took a matter of days for his fate to be decided in a closed trial in a rather drab underground bunker. The hype quickly faded but the small crack remained. So he hoped. 

With advanced life support systems and Hypersleep death is almost impossible. One can die in an accident or by getting himself killed by other beings or as in some cases, killing oneself. These poor options alone are the ways out of his sentence. Just two days after his sentence he is sent for training. The training is short, covering the basics of ship functions, systems functions and crew functions. They figure rightly so, he has plenty of time to learn. All the time in the world he thought. It is the last time he ever saw any friend or family member. Just before he was to leave they threw a going away party for him. It was much like being alive and fully present at his own funeral. They often spoke of him in the past tense. None spoke of what he did or the “system” that brought all to this sad point in time and space.  At least they knew he is alive. Few are so lucky.

They put two or more exiles together. Being alone leads to madness, which does little for successful missions. They sometimes still get bad ideas. Some exiles have not done their assigned mission, but made it up as they went along. This turns out to still be okay. If they try to return to known areas already explored, they will be killed. They have to go somewhere new. So new knowledge is still always gained. There is no alternative but to leave forever and that means forever. A form of suspended animation known as hypersleep, was developed and refined over several generations.  No one exile is “put in charge”. Rather it is up to them to work it out as they go. If it does not work out, well the robot crew will take care of the situation and the mission continues with out exiles. Xerces soon found out he would not be alone on his trip through eternity.                        

  

Dzann is the opposite of Xerces, stunningly beautiful with long wavy blond hair and green eyes, social and noticed everywhere she went.  She is also a world renowned doctor and scientist who worked in an intelligence of a different sort, artificial intelligence. She wanted her research to help those hurt in accidents facing a lifetime of paralysis and or brain damage. She combined bioengineering with the use of intelligent micro-machines for the purposes of healing. The powers that be had other plans for he research. Monsters are what they wanted and she had no interest in bringing them into being. When she refused their generous offers, her life became very difficult. The end of a long good marriage, a ruined reputation and an empty bank account were just a few of the costs she incurred for not seeing the big picture. The Federation did not like loose ends so she wound up taking a similar path to exile. 

Meet Xerces I

In a different place and time another started a journey for different reasons. The knock came at 3am, a gentle tapping on the door. Xerces knew what he had done. He also knew the agency people would arrive shortly. He saw no need to have them break down the door. Why wake up the neighbors? They would all know in very short order anyway. Most thought him some sort of anarchist deviant anyway. He let out his breath and took his last look around his home for the last three years. Much had happened here. He hoped it was not all a waste of time. He opened the door. Several agency goons dressed all in black glared at him from the dimly lit hallway. A woman stepped forward. 

“Xerces?” She said.

He held out his arm with the barcode tattoo he was given in late childhood. There would be no slam to the ground and being dragged away kicking and screaming as some times before. No, his last arrest was quiet and almost mundane.  Most of the others in the huge apartment complex slept through the whole thing. Anyone awake knew better than ask what was going on. No, it was wiser (and more healthy) to keep it simple and stick to one’s own business. The woman and four men rode down the elevator with him, the forty levels flying by. The death penalty was long gone but there are worse things than death. Darkness, heavy rain and fog greeted the all as they exited the building. He was handcuffed and placed in the back of a hover vehicle. The memory faded.     

Where is he from? Now that is a very good question, a very simple question, and in his case a trick question. Places always move. Atoms, elements, dust, living cells, beings, planets, stars, galaxies, groups of galaxies and time always in motion eternally. There is only the moment. Where is he from? No, the question should is when was he from. This too is a trick. There is the when before he was an exile and the time since. The first concerns us here little. He does not know much about that time anymore. Time slowly evaporates memory. It has all faded. The time after becoming an exile he knows all. For, he has no choice. He has learned and learned. That after all is what an exile does. He thinks he remembers his name… Xerces. Sounds good. This is also his story to date. Now it is old news from the ancient past eternally slipping away.

Xerces is from is a collective of solar systems that over time became known as the Fellix Federation. Humans had branched out over time moving into new systems taking what they needed along the way, regardless if they really needed it or not. The short version of the history of the Fellix Federation follows those of empires that came before and likely will come after. It started off a democratic city-state and in time became the envy of other city-states. It used this jealously to its advantage acquiring other city-states by any and every means possible; economic warfare, outright theft, assignations and similar thuggish means. If the above failed, open warfare based on lies and flimsy accusations lead to the desired acquisition. In time the democracy faded into something unrecognizable and unreal existing only in state sponsored mythology. The citizens continued to believe the stories because they had enough to eat and lived in relative comfort. One key facet of the Fellix Federation myth was to pretend that the other city-states joined by choice. Not being limited by one world or even one solar system, gave it the continuing flow of resources needed to sustain life well beyond the natural end point of similar systems. Those in power also stamped out the notion of privacy in all but the very highest levels of government and industry which had become basically one in the same. Enough food, entertainment and careful perception management kept all but a tiny fraction of the population in check. They had way of dealing with those who threatened the status quo. Brand them a threat of some sort and remove the threat. Xerces spied on those who asked questions for the powerful. He also spied for powerful people when they wanted to know more about other powerful people on a contract basis. Slowly, the state sponsored myths started to break down for him. It may have been one too many people “disappeared” or his thirst for knowledge and truth.