Try to be what you want from others…

Be what you want from others…

In my experience dealing with people, what I put out is what I get back. If I’m kind and easy going, that’s what I get in return 99% of the time. It is good to be positive but it has to be more than a shallow slogan. I like Michael Jordan’s approach. It goes something like this; when I meet someone, it may be the only time I ever see them. I hope to make it a good memory for that person. So I always try to look my best and be a polite as possible. I want them to feel good after our meeting. I think this applies to not just the people Mr. Jordan “meets” like fans, ill children or business people but everyone. I cannot speak for him but this is how I feel anyway. I strive to be polite to everyone I meet and leave them with the best impression I can. Think about it, when has being an ass to someone ever helped improve a situation or solved a problem? It may make you feel better for a moment or two but does little in the long run! Maybe not be possible to be polite and positive 100% of the time to everyone so I have room for improvement! If the other person is having a bad day and is sour with me, I cannot meet their negativity with my own. That will only make it worse. Keep it on the sunny side as the old song says. We are all better off for it.

Being polite and positive I think makes other people more willing to help out when I have a problem, helps everyone to feel good and lightens the day. This does not mean being phony. If I’m having a bad day or my back is hurting, these are not reasons to bring others down by complaining or being rude. In the last two years, I’ve been to the hospital twice. It turned out to be nothing major fortunately. But this is a great setting to see how staying positive and polite is helpful. I never had a problem with any staff and I feel I got very good service. I always used sir and ma’m and please and than you, even with the blood ladies who showed up at 2am! Who wants to help a wine bag or constant complainer? If I maintain a good attitude the resulting interactions with others will often make me feel better or maybe even bring a bad day around. There is no need for me to make my problems your problems. This applies everywhere, even when traveling.  

I try to practice this approach with people all the time but especially when I’m traveling.  When I’m in another country, it is like being a guest at someone else’s house. They have different rules, customs and attitudes. I need to be respectful and hopefully I can also learn a thing or two. When going overseas, I not only represent myself but the good ole USA and even North Carolina. I know on occasion I’ve on occasion been the only American some people ever met or spent any time with. I want them to feel good about me as well as the rest of us here. They don’t have to like or agree with our government but seeing us as a good people goes a long way. I think this is one reason why I’ve always had no problems when traveling. In 2007,  I almost missed my connecting flight to Vietnam from Korea. The flight from Atlanta was delayed 3 hours. I resigned myself to being a guest in Korea for the night. Got to be flexible on the fly. No reason to get upset. When The Korean Airline people realized my plight, they held a small conference around me. I told them I could be flexible and made no complaints. There were about five or so people (two with walkie talkies) all speaking Korean and I awaited my fate. For all I knew, they could have been discussing how best to get me in a stew pot. That turned out not to be the case at all! The next thing I know a little Korean guy is pushing me in a low rider wheel chair through this vast airport running as fast as he could. I’m having to hold my legs up because the chair is so low. With this guy running at full speed it still took almost ten minutes to get to the next plane! I thought I was gonna die from holding my legs up but we made it! I don’t know for sure but I think they held the plane for me. It felt like they did anyway! I thanked the guy who got me there and he would take no tip money. I will always remember what he did for me. Despite my coach ticket, I found myself in an extra wide first class seat sipping wine for my last leg to Vietnam! Had I played plan B, the role of whiny American, I could have been spending a long night in the terminal. Plan A worked out better for sure!

                 

“My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.” --- The Dali Lama

Intro...

Hello All! 

So why should I write a book if I’m like everybody else? I’m not exactly. Being put together a little different can be a great teacher and it has for me. It all starts from with in. What we make our world mentally it will be. Sure I get down from time to time but life is too short to stay down for long. Remember the two-year rule, if something has upset or offended you, will you even remember it in two years? If not, let it roll off and get on with life. Now just because I’m writing a book does not mean I take myself too seriously. I can laugh at myself also. I know I do not have all of the answers but perhaps a few. Please take a little time, kick back, relax and let us share a few thoughts, laughs and lessons about the world we all live in. I hope to help inspire other to reach their full potential, inform people and demonstrate how far we can all go with a positive out look and a little humor despite any challenges we face.

Visiting a Doctor's Office…

            Healthcare is obviously a deeply personal issue for all of us at some time or another. Any of us can be either the patient or have a friend or family member who is a patient. We each invest a lot of emotion in our own care and the care received by a loved one. In the role of the patient, each of us places our health and our lives in the care of people we do not personally know. We tell the same people things we may not even share with our spouse! Here, the word doctor carries a tremendous amount of weight, giving the holder of this title a huge amount of credibility. I can speak from the patient point of view and from concern for a loved one. The doctor patient relationship is almost something sacred and when trust is lost for whatever reason, it is difficult but not impossible to regain.  

I only know the healthcare field from the patient point of view and what I have learned studying conflict in healthcare. I feel doctor's can gain their patient’s trust easily with their credentials and even more importantly, using active listening skills. I’ve learned doctors see a huge number of patients each day and as a result cannot have more than a few minutes for each person. If the doctor uses just a few concepts of active listening such as repeating back what is being said and asking for clarification, it makes me, the patient feel so much better about what was going on. I have a lot more trust in that individual than someone who walks into the room and treats me as an afterthought. The doctor has been told well before he or she enters the room why I am there. I feel they often know what they want to do as far as a treatment before they even speak with me. Given their workload, it is understandable. But the doctor should remember I am a person who may be in pain, afraid and worried. I can only speak for myself and for me a big part of healing is psychological. If I have trust and confidence in my doctor, that alone will help me start to feel better. I don't think I necessarily need a lot of extra time with the doctor to build this trust and confidence.  Let me share a great example from a personal experience. Less then a year ago, it was discovered I had an abnormal EKG. Needless to say, I was given test after test. On a follow-up visit for a stress test, my doctor told me what was going on and took the time to answer a few questions for me. I'm handicapped and have difficulty dressing myself. At the end of the visit, I asked the doctor if he could send in someone to help me with my shirt. Rather than do that, he helped me himself. It was a small gesture that took little time but made a world of difference to me. He thought of me not only as a patient but a fellow human being. The doctor cannot do it alone, the patient also has responsibilities.

            I, being the patient, need to do my part in taking responsibility for my own health. Many men do not like to admit they are having some kind of health problem and need help. By the time they get around to going seek medical care, they had often inadvertently made problem much worse. My Uncle Chip who passed away many years ago fell into this trap. He had a small growth under the skin on the side of his neck. With no insurance, he was reluctant to go to a doctor. The mass grew in grew along his neck. By the time he sought professional medical care, cancer had spread throughout his body and there was little they could do. He passed away in a matter of a few months. I was not with Chip when he died but somehow I felt it. He was far from perfect but he had a heart of gold and was a great friend! I still think of him almost every day. How he died is very sad. Perhaps had he gone earlier, the outcome would have been the same but we will never know. I think what kept Chip away from the doctor was a combination of understandable fear and no insurance. Reflecting on memories from 20 plus years ago, I may be forgetting some things and over simplfying what happened but I don't think so. I love life and the people around me and I want to be there for them. So even if I had no insurance and feel something may be terribly wrong I hope I can overcome my legitimate fears and worries and seek professional medical care. This may be the most important lesson I learned from Chip. Medicine has come a long way but even the best medicine the world cannot save us from ourselves. We have to be active participants in taking care of our health. 

            I like to think I can give my trust easily, especially to a doctor or other healthcare professional. I'm lucky to say I've got good care or most of my life and despite its problems and flaws, still have faith healthcare. That said, once my trust is lost it is very difficult to regain. I doubt I'm alone in feeling this way. As someone who has studied conflict the last three years, I see restoration of trust as a key issue; especially in healthcare where so much is at stake. The key, I believe, is active listening from both the patient and the provider. Even when trust breaks down, it is not always impossible to restore. As always, I invite you to share thoughts.

Look for another discussion next week. 

Welcome...

Hi All I'm Paul LaVack and I'm writing a book on how to live successfully with physical disability. Success I know is subjective. Am I a medal winner, a millionaire, a dot com Mogul? None of the above. I'm just a schmo who was born handicapped and I'm okay with just being me. I measure success in family, good friends and miles traveled. It may be different for you. Being handicapped does not mean one cannot have a full, fun productive and happy life. That's the point of this blog and with your input, a book.

Thanks for reading.