Sunset from a Hospital Window

I'm not a poet but I could think of no other way to get the feeling and emotion across. If you don't like it, give me time and I'll get better.  Here it goes.

-P. 

Dropped in a flash. What's going on?

Sharp needles in. Big monitors on. Menacing machines standing by. 

But no one seems to know why. 

Test here and test there and all I can do is watch the colorless overhead lights floating by. 

"We don't know but we will give you a room and yes you may get out soon." She says leaving.

At least I can see spring green and not a cloud in the sky. 

Light and hope fade as spring green turns dark, darker and darkest. And no news becomes good news?

Dark black now and hope left with the sun. I sit silently with the ping of the machine and a cold drip drip drip inside.

"Always darkest before the dawn."

  Home now writing poems and getting on. 

  

Readings 4.22.13

Enforced Financial Oppression

U.S. Department of Justice accuses Oregon of segregating disabled in sheltered workshops

Disabled persons still on margins of society

Disability and sexuality issues

TGen researcher explores latest findings about children born with limited mobility

Note on Recovery

The body heals up fast. I'm just now getting back to feeling like my normal self, if there is such a thing. I'm glad I no longer seem to have to worry about falling out somewhere each day. Pacman Pacemaker seems to be working as advertised. My mind is still a little in doubting Thomas Mode. Once I'm no longer thinking about Pacman and the events that have lead to us living together, then I'll consider myself well. That day is approaching. I need to get back into a writing, conflict resolution and doing more stuff in general mode. Thank God for netflix and youtube but there's more to life. I'm being impatient with my own healing but each day I seem to feel just a little more like my more healthy self.

I thought it would be cool to share my health stuff to show I'm more than just a jar with a handicapped label. Aging happens to us all. We can at least try to age well and healthy. I don't think I did anything to directly cause my heart block but I may be wrong. So I don't see an massive changes in my life as a direct result of this experience. Once I feel a little better, I plan to start exercising again and keep eating healthy. As I see it, the only way to save money on health care is avoid it as much as possible. I hope to keep myself out of hospitals and away from medical specialists for a good long time.

Back to regular postings soon!

-P.

   

Getting past it.

Hi all,

Seems the flu slows down my writing something awful. Still working past it. Look for new posts over next week.

Thanks for your support.

-Paul 

High Noon April Fool's Day My big heart block adventure

The same stuff that goes along with aging also happens to the handicapped. Here's what happened to me recently.  

So it came down to a stark choice; toe tag or pace maker. I opted for the latter and so far have managed to avoid the former. Off and on for the last several years I've had these fainting spells. Walking along to waking up on the floor wondering how I got there! In March they started happening about every ten or so days, not months as was the case before. When they happened before, I'd go through the drill with the paramedics and the obligtory trip to the ER and of course all the tests would come back fine. Just like a car that will not make that noise when you take it to the mechanic. I'd get a few bags of iv fluid and everything would be cool for awhile. Some days were fine and others I could feel it coming on. One day I walked into the office and turned right around and went home. Other days I'd muddle through wondering with each trip to the printer or the rest room if I would make it back to my desk. Most of the time I did. Sometimes I did not. 

The last time this happened at work, I resolved to stay out until the problem was resolved. Who needs all the extra office drama? The next appointment for the Cardiac Electrophysiologist was several weeks away.  I had the leave time so I figured I'd just lie low until then and go from there. My heart was not into that plan. He had a different idea. After watching a b grade WWII movie, I started down the rabbit hole again. I did not pass out but it damn sure got my attention. I called my brother, Chase, who is a veteran paramedic with more than 10 years experience. "Call 911." was his advice.  I did thinking it would likely be the same ole drill. Fortunately for me it was not. On the way to the hospital the paramedic saw what my heart was up to and it was not good. I had something called second and third degree heart block. There is no fourth degree (and no it is not from too many triple cheese burgers). So the cardiologist on duty informed me I needed a pace maker. But who operates on Easter Sunday? They figured I could live to Monday when they could work me in.  So I hung out until it came time for the operation. 

Now for putting in a pace maker, they keep you awake for the procedure. I had visions of this guy in Monty Python's Meaning of Life. While my experience was not quite this bad, I'd still not want to go through it again. The first day it hurt like hell and each day since the pain has faded. Here one week later, no passing out! So it seems Pacman is doing his job. I'm paying for the sucker so I can name it if I want to. I'm slowly coming too and will resume normal postings. A big thanks to all who helped me through so far, espically my wife Thu. I'd do the same for you guys!   

So give that stranger a little slack. Who knows what their last week was like.