"I'm Hooked and I can't Stop Staring"

"I'm Hooked and I can't Stop Staring Deep in. . ." Okay, I will not sing or rap you old Sir Mix A Lot tunes (not unless you ask anyway). My mind works in mysterious ways. How do I go from Sir Mix A Lot to a deeper issue many handicapped people face every day? Not sure but let's go with it. I talk about my first day in the public schools fairly early on in my book. My fellow students stared at me like I was something (not someone) from outer space. At the time, I thought it was just because I was the new guy. Later on in life, I realized we were all new. They were staring because I was put together different. The good thing is, this did not last long. I soon melted into the class as just another student. But the staring continued. Kids from other classes looked as me much the same way and in time, this also faded as I melted into the student body. In our culture, no one likes to be stared at. It is okay to look at a beautiful woman (Or guy depending on where you are coming from) but not long enough to make them uncomfortable. Young children are often not taught this rule and don't know any better. I admit it took me a long time to come to terms with this. For most of my life, I've always been uncomfortable around little kids for this reason. It is only in the last five to ten years I've come to a better understanding of this phenomenon. It may or may not be correct but it is the story / explanation I tell myself. Little kids are free from inhibitions and also very curious about the world around them. When they see something different or unusual, they check it out. It come natural. This light bulb going on awhile back has helped me a lot. Young children looking at me perhaps longer than they should, now bothers me much less than it used to. I would be bullshitting you an myself if I said It does not bother me at all any more. So how do I deal with it?

I usually take the most common way out and ignore it, conflict avoidance. Sometimes I'll use humor or simply say hello. Speaking usually seems to break the spell. Often, the parent or guardian puts an end to it before I say or do anything. There is no need for scolding a child for doing something that comes natural. I like it better when parents simply remind their kids it is not nice to stare at people. I'm not the religious type but when they say something like "God puts people together in many different ways." I think it is cool. My hope is this will be the beginning of understanding we are different and differences are okay. To ignore the behavior is doing the kid a disservice. I too should not ignore it as much as I do. Taking a moment to speak may make a nice difference. I've seen other handicapped people respond aggressively, staring back and or asking "What are you lookin at?" I don't want to become childish myself much less cause a scene. I think a more calm approach works best. But there is one thing even worse than the blank stare of kids.

Not too often, really old people will do the same staring shit and they should know better. Now, I'll stare back at them and they get the message what they are doing is unccol. One old lady giving me the evil eye told her grandson (I guess) I had muscular dystrophy as if she was an MD talking about a museum piece. I did my avoidance thing and let it go. Pointing out to the same kid here was an old lady with chronic senile dementia just did not seen like it would be helpful and I being much younger would have then become the asshole in this drab performance. I'm still glad it let it go. Thank goodness this does not happen often. I'm still unsure how to deal with very old people eye-balling me. Leave them alone I guess.                    

I learned About Stealing and My Dog Got Stoned (repost)

I wrote this awhile back. If you're new to this blog, I thought you might dig it. 

I skipped the kindergarten drama and went straight to first grade. I do not remember the first at school for disabled kids but I do remember my first day in the public school system. It was a little odd to me; my classmates were staring at me like I was from outer space. I thought it was because I was a new guy. Well, they were all new too. I was just put together and doing the same things a little different. A day or two later I was just another first grader getting to trouble like every body else. One day I was asked to pass out the pencils to my classmates and it felt like it was taking an eternity as I moved slowly around the classroom. In time, I got the job done but that was the last time I was the equipment distributor. To my knowledge, I never had a teacher treat me different or special as a student. I was rewarded and punished like all my classmates. I have to say friends came easy to me despite not being the best in gym class or fast on the playground. The teachers were pretty creative with me. I would help referee games of kick ball, keep score and count other’s push-ups and sit-ups. There was even after school fun.

As luck would have it I got to hang out after school with the football team during practice since my brother Chase was a player.  The coach would give these motivational speeches and I can still remember the echo off the walls as he talked about enthusiasm and teamwork. Even at that young age we were getting a taste of locker room humor. Farts start to be funny for guys around this time. The players were older than me and it was like having an insider’s pass to a pro team. Being a rural school, everyone loved football team and there I was several grades behind the players but and still attending practices, meetings and home games. I had no role on the team other than observer. I did not let that stop me from helping keep the locker room a funny place. It was cool. I never had to worry about getting hurt in a game or being cut from the team. Being an observer, that’s one of the best things about being handicapped but I’ll get into that later on. I did a bunch of other stuff as well.

I went to friend’s houses for sleepovers and had friends come to visit me. Mom and Dad taught me never to invite myself over to someone else’s house and to always ask them before I invited someone to our house. I never got homesick on these excursions and adapted well to in new surroundings. We did all kinds of fun things; games, building stuff, fishing and even some backyard camping. Childhood is not all school, fun and games. We have to learn some hard lessons. One that sticks out perhaps the most to me is when I decided to steal another kid’s little toy airplane.

Robbie showed it to me on the bus going home one hot afternoon as the school year was drawing to a close. It was the greatest thing I had ever seen. His stop was before mine and I realized he had forgot handing it to me. As he got off the bus, I thought I’d hang on it for him until the next day. I took it home and enjoyed playing with it that evening. The only problem was I broke it in several pieces. The next morning there was Robbie on the bus holding out his hand.

“My plane.” He said knowing he had left it with me.

To this day, that was one of the most mortifying moments of my life. I apologized and had to explain how I had broken it in several pieces. I have to say much to his credit he let it go. He was a good kid and in no way deserved to have his little plane stolen and destroyed. Mom and Dad never found out but had they done so his plane would have been replaced and I would have had to apologize to him again and perhaps even his parents.     

Mom and Dad were school teachers but they did not teach in just any school. They taught at a place called the “Optional School.” This was the school where all the problem kids were sent from the entire city. Mom taught basic writing and Dad taught Job Preparedness. Their students were high school aged and had every imaginable barrier one could think of, broken homes, abusive parents, no parents homelessness and God only knows what all else. On teacher workdays, Mom and Dad would take Chase and I to work with them. We had this seemingly endless old school building to run around in and explore. On some occasions there would be students there with no place to go and they would play games with us. We never had a problem. Chase got bored one day and was complaining to Mom when the principal overheard him.

“Mom, I’m so bored. When can we go home?”

“Not for awhile. Find something to do.” She said.

Hey Chase, I got an idea.” It was the Principal who was in earshot.

“Yes Sir?”       

“Go run around the building ten times.”

I don’t know if he was kidding but chase took him seriously being the football player and weightlifter.  He took off outside and after awhile came back in wet from head to toe with sweat. It was summer time after all and he was completely wiped out but no longer complaining. When I was not wondering the halls, I’d sit on the couch and watch the staff interact with each other. One guy seemed to think if he was there he was working even if he was only hanging out chatting and sipping coffee. Chase and I were not the only ones going to work with Mom and Dad. They took our dog Ralph so many times, the principle awarded him an attendance certificate.

Unfortunately, poor Ralph found the wrong crew to fall in with. On the way home one afternoon, Mom and Dad realized something was wrong with him. He was not acting right at all. Once home he could barely get out of the car and could not get up the two steps to go into the house. They worried some asshole may have poisoned him and rushed him to the emergency vet. Mom told us what happened when she got back.

“They checked him over and could not figure out what was going on. They asked where he had been earlier and we told him where we worked and that Ralph had been in the car on his own some that afternoon. The vet had an idea. He rolled an orange ball in front of Ralph and no response. The diagnosis was not so bad,”

“He’s okay. He’s just high. When he comes down, he’ll be fine.” The vet said.

Sure enough he was okay soon after they brought him home. We never knew what drug poor Ralph was exposed too but Mom and Dad thought it was a little grass. Unfortunately, that ended Ralph’s academic career. They would not take him after that.  The worry was some asshole would give him something much worse the next time. So Ralph stayed home from then on.

Readings 5.22.13

Positive Stuff

History

Not so sure about A in this one. Paints with a broad brush. 

Mind-Controlled Exoskeleton to Help Disabled People Walk Again

Turn Handicaps Into Assets

10 good reasons to employ a disabled worker in the hospitality industry

Angry Guards

One of the articles in the most recent "readings" was about two teachers taunting and teasing a severely handicapped student. Why and how does this happen? I cannot go into the heads of the teachers, but that should not stop a discussion / writing. While what they did was horrible, (I've been teased before and know it is not fun) I'm in no rush to dehumanize and judge them. People have been committing unspeakable  acts against each other for a very ling time. I'd guess one said something derogatory to the student once and the other thought it was "funny." It likely started off small and built from there.  In their minds, the kid was dehumanized and that's when the shit can hit the fan. Thank goodness this was stopped before it got even worse. Let's look at the setting a second. 

It is a poor southern-state public school. I would argue this little guy and his class mates are already being seen more as inmates than young students. A good teacher in the same school would say I'm a know nothing damn fool, they really care about the kids as kids. I'm sure there are good teachers there but CAN they recognize the environment / ecosystem they are a part of? It is NOT a one room school house where students come of their own free will and learn with gifted and talented teachers. I'd say it is more like a prison. Kids HAVE to go to school and are taught whatever the state mandates for education. I listened carefully to both tapes and I herd angry guards, not caring teachers. Schools are far more about control than education. Teachers are taught how to keep their classes under control (classroom management ah, sounds softer). The students lives are ran for them from the moment they step inside until they leave. Good future workforce training! They have to ask to go to the bathroom. Keeping others under control can lead to very bad things. Remember this anyone?  These two were taking their role as "guards" too seriously. What is more disturbing to me is neither know they are guards. Rather, they will rationalize their actions to their family, friends and whoever else will listen for the rest of their lives. "I was only trying to get Joe to behave." "I was not angry." "This is not the whole story." ...And so it goes. Could not a professional prison guard say the exact same words after some terrible incident? Both teachers should be held responsible and accountable but they alone are not the issue. 

How we organize ourselves to do things like educate children, work and play have much to do with the kinds of outcomes we can expect. Awkward  sentence,  I know. Let me say it more clearly. As we sew we shall reap. Schools set up like cattle ranches... Well, I trust you can get the picture. It does not end well for the cows and it can make an otherwise good cowboy into a monster. We need to pay very close attention to how we organize our environments. They need to be open, transparent and above all loving. How was it decided these two teachers should be rehired? Were others afraid to speak up? I heard nothing resembling love. You?                           

A little restaurant etiquette please wait staff!!

I still cannot figure out why whenever I go to a  restaurant that uses a host to seat people, they have to walk 90 mph to the table. Today, again, I was left behind having to look for the people I came in with. Are they utterly blind to the fact some of us do not get around as well as others? Must be because this always happens, well in my experience anyway. Is it really that difficult to actually observe the group being seated and adjust to the slowest person? Also, when there is a person who has an obvious mobility issue why lead them to a table clear across the dining room? At least give the option of waiting for a table closer to open. Also, please don't lean on people's wheel chairs or on those having problems getting around. I wanted to hocckey-check into the wall this one dumb ass waiter who would not give me space to walk (cutting right in front of me) and decided I was okay to lean on. I let it go. I hope this will be something others can learn from. I have no interest in getting some one fired or bitched at by their boss but others seem to enjoy such foolishness.       

Readings 5.10.13

White House: Schools Must Open Sports to Disabled

Goodwill Pays Disabled Less than Minimum Wage

Disabled children too costly, should be 'put down': UK councillor

Two teachers caught taunting disabled boy, 10, as 'gross' and 'disgusting' after his mother bugged his wheelchair with recording device

Best Way For Disabled Workers To Find A New Job

For Best Results, Play Nice

Let’s talk a little about Healthcare here in the USA. Healthcare is subjective, at least in my experience. “You could have had a ____ or a ____.” The human body is very complex (you may be thinking duh but stay with me). One doc may think it is a this or that while another may think otherwise. So the follow up tests will go. As best I can tell, they can tell when it is something serious and get it taken care of. It took two plus years to diagnose my heart bloc and I’m sure there was a chance I could have checked out. The docs figured it out in time for me to keep on writing and ranting as necessary. One thing to keep in mind is the heavy influence of lawyers and health insurance companies on the health care we get. Medical professionals want to avoid lawsuits and health insurance companies want to save money (they are a business first and foremost). I think the best way to overcome these undue influences is know as much as possible about your health condition. I think health care professionals are in it for the right reasons but they cannot ignore the insurance people and the lawyers. You can question what is going on as well as risks and alternative treatment options. I don’t mean make an ass of yourself. Questioning doctors (or anyone) needs to be done in a polite and respectful manner. If you make yourself into a pain in the ass, how is that going to help them help you? Asking good questions politely will let them know you are in the game and keep them on their toes. One of my docs admitted at one point he was not sure what was wrong with me. He said simply, “I don’t know.” I would rather hear that than some made up medical mumbo jumbo. He added that we would get to the right specialist and find out. I think for a doc to tell me, his patient that, he had to trust me. It may sound funny, but it made me trust him more. He was being honest. I can think of nothing worse than working with a doc I did not trust. I doubt I would or you would either.

I doubt I can do much trust building by being rude and confrontational to others. Medical professionals are overworked and stressed as it is. I don’t want to be someone who they want to get rid of as fast as possible. Sometimes, they can also be rude and very curt. Not all have good bedside manners and can sometimes leave us feeling unheard, undervalued and dehumanized. Everybody has a bad day but if this happens more than a time or two; it is time to find a new doctor who will listen and you or I can trust.