Na zdrave (Cheers) Part I

I've been some interesting places. This is the story of one of those trips... More soon. 

I was sitting there on a plane carefree at thirty-five thousand feet above Europe going southeast when it dawned on me what I was doing. I was alone and just a few hours from touching down in a country I’d never been to, to meet some people I’d never met before who spoke a language I did not know. Destination Bulgaria. That’s right, Bulgaria. Another glass of wine seemed like a really good idea all the sudden. I kept wondering what the hell was I doing. Had I lost my mind? I looked around at the mostly empty 737. It was only me, a handful of Bulgarians and a few English blokes on the plane.

“Not too many people going in.” The little voice in my head casually observed.

 This was a solo trip or mission as I thought of it. My brother Chase and Dad drove me to the airport in Charlotte, North Carolina.  From there I flew to London and then Sophia, Bulgaria. Poor old Chase later told me how nervous he was leaving me in Charlotte.  He thought I had bought a one-way ticket. Overall, I felt good looking forward to the adventure ahead. Now Bulgaria is not the first place Americans think of when they hear the word “vacation.” Before whenever I herd “Bulgaria” (which was not often) I had mostly though of female weightlifters and wrestlers for some unknown reason. Nonetheless, here I was. We got close and started to descend, I was eagerly looking out the window to check out the country where I’d be staying the next two weeks. I could not see the ground through the clouds. Suddenly, there was an opening and I looked down.

“It is brown, man!” The little voice spoke again. 

It looked like a desert or perhaps a brown moonscape. The airport from above looked like something out of a bad cold war era movie complete with parked airlines that looked as if they had not flown in a decade or more. Our plane landed in Sophia, the capital of Bulgaria, a little before four pm. Thirteen hours of travel to a former east block country and what is the first thing I hear getting off the plane- a Madonna song in English. (pick one)

“All this way and I still I cannot escape her.” I thought.

Two large Bulgarian guys eased me down the steps in something akin to a wheelchair off the plane and into the airport. I was now a lost soul. Where in the hell were my friends and my luggage? An English speaking German guy told me how to get my bags and where my 

friends would likely be waiting. I eased through customs uneventfully.

“They should be on the other side of those two large doors.” The German guy had said.

I sure was glad to see my new best friends; Ralitsa, her brother Vladimer and Ganadi, a friend of theirs and our driver. I was a little rusty on my Bulgarian geography, not realizing my friends lived on the opposite side of the country from where I landed. I came in on the west side of the country landing in the capital, Sofia. They lived on the eastern side by the Black Sea in a large resort city, Varna. I’d guess it was around two hundred miles. Just an extra road trip tacked on to the flight. Ralitsa is extremely well-educated, fluent in English and easy on the eyes. She’s tall thin, has beautiful green eyes and long black hair. One of the best things about her is her dry sense of humor. She would say things out of blue so funny I would get a stomachache laughing so hard. Her brother Vladimer also had a terrific since humor.  Vladimir looked like a rock star with long black hair, a black beard and little round glasses. He spoke some English but not near as well as Ralitsa. Ganadi basically spoke no English but we could communicate. He is a strong stocky guy with a crew cut who could also laughs easily. All three are college graduates who would teach me much in the next two weeks. The conversations were anything but boring. I had known Ralitsa almost a year online but as anyone who has tried online dating can attest, a person on line and in person are quite different. Just getting there all three were still strangers to me. Just what had gotten me to this point?

I made many international friends via the Internet. I have chatted with people from many different countries Russia, South Korea Malaysia, United Arab Emerance and New Zealand to name just a few.  I met Ralitsa from Bulgaria online.  I was not necessarily looking for girlfriend but open to possibilities. Saying otherwise would be bullshitting you. She turned out to be one of the smartest people I’ve ever met.  I invited her to come visit me here but she was unable to get a tourist visa to visit the United States. I had described myself to her as best I could and sent a picture or two.  She still invited me to come to her country for visit.  What the hell, I agreed.  Many people here thought I was a nut!  In Bulgaria, there is no Bill of Rights and there sure is no ADA.  I felt I traveled enough here to take on this new challenge.  My brother the former navy corpsman, athlete and weightlifter did not want me to go. He even tried to get Mom and Dad to talk me out of it. I know he was only looking out for me and looking back on it, had legitimate concerns.  Even  Todd, my best friend, seemed to have doubts about this one. We were out cruising around just burning time and gas one afternoon.  We got a little fast food and parked to eat it there in the car.

He asked me, “Dude, are you really going to go to Bulgaria?”

I thought for a few seconds and answered simply ” Yes.”  

Readings 8.29.12

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Bite My Tongue

I had an interesting experience my last year in high school. I was in a car accident with Todd ( a close friend) and broke both my patellas (small bone in the knee joint) and was unable to walk for around two months plus. The funny thing was how some of the medical people helping me just assumed I was unable to walk before this happened. One lady in particular, Amy, a physical therapist, stereotyped me as the bitter handicapped teen. She would talk to me as if I was pissed off at the world and everyone else was to blame for my problems. One day she came in and asked me if I was excited about my new wheelchair. There were a few problems with this. It was not a new chair. It was only a used rental that had seen better days and prior to this accident I had never used a wheelchair. I politely as I could informed her of these facts but I don’t think it sunk in. I was not bitter about anything and really never have been. I was not even mad at Todd who was driving when the accident happened. Shit happens! Let's move on. 

I think it is very hard for us to let go of our assumptions (me included). I don’t think Amy the therapist was a bad person who should be working at a correctional facility instead of a hospital. She only knows what she has learned after all and it is entirely possible I simply took her the wrong way. People do have their biases and I think they like to hold on to them. It goes back to identity. I'm a so and so and that means this or that. Please fill in the blanks. I highly doubt Amy thinks of herself as a bad person. At the time, I lacked the sophistication to explain clearly and gently how she was making me feel. I bit my tongue  and let the teachable moment pass (for both of us)  I have been treated worse.

During the same time there were a few nurses who would talk to me as if I was a child. It was harder to be nice in this case but I did. Somehow they thought because I had additional physical limitations beyond my broken knees there was a problem with my brain as well.  They would talk to me about using the bathroom like a four year old. 

“Paul you must pee peee.” One kindly older nurse said. 

I took my revenge. A friend had smuggled in a 16oz Budweiser, I chugged it down and peed with a vengeance filling a container several  times in the process making her go back and fourth to my room. Fortunately, she never caught on to the reason behind my sudden urges to go. It may not have ended well had she did. Overall, I’ve had good relationships with doctors and other medical professionals.

I had another nurse, Margaret, who treated me like the king of the world checking on me often and despite my young age addressing me as sir. It felt funny and I asked her not too which she did. I'll never forget her gentleness and kindness. I later had another physical therapist, Beth saw me as something more than as just another task in her day. She made me feel like a person, not a case. She was both firm and patient at the same time helping me rebuild strength and get walking again. The docs who worked on me did the same as Beth. They often seemed to be in too big a hurry to move on but overall they also treated me like a human being. Having a bad attitude I learned a long long time ago will not get me anywhere. So I do my best to always be polite, especially to those who’s job it is to care for me when I’m in the hospital. Almost without exception it worked. 

I've been lucky in many ways. I’ve never had a doctor say I cannot do something or ever be discouraging. To me, this is the way it always should be but I don’t think it is. It certainly been the opposite in the past. Not so long ago even a great doc like Clippenger (the AMC doc I had growing up) would have been compelled by the norms of the time to recommend to my family that I be institutionalized and I would have never had any say in the matter. I’m eternally grateful for all of those who fought to change this who’s names I’ll never know. Sadly, it still goes on both here and abroad. The power dynamic is still heavily weighted against those with disabilities and even those who care for them. The best way to shift it to a more balanced level is self-advocacy fueled by education.  I will not say docs treat me as an equal but when they realize I’m a little smarter than a turnip, I feel they are less likely to blow me off. Infants and children are not as capable to look out for themselves so it falls to the parents to do the homework and look out for their kid’s interests.   

More soon!

We would like to think things have changed for the disabled and while they are certainly better, we still have a long long way to go, Yeah sure, I can talk about how horrible things are for the disabled not only here in the USA but through out the world. But I think it is better to focus on personal solutions.

I'll be getting this blog back in gear next week!