Bite My Tongue

I had an interesting experience my last year in high school. I was in a car accident with Todd ( a close friend) and broke both my patellas (small bone in the knee joint) and was unable to walk for around two months plus. The funny thing was how some of the medical people helping me just assumed I was unable to walk before this happened. One lady in particular, Amy, a physical therapist, stereotyped me as the bitter handicapped teen. She would talk to me as if I was pissed off at the world and everyone else was to blame for my problems. One day she came in and asked me if I was excited about my new wheelchair. There were a few problems with this. It was not a new chair. It was only a used rental that had seen better days and prior to this accident I had never used a wheelchair. I politely as I could informed her of these facts but I don’t think it sunk in. I was not bitter about anything and really never have been. I was not even mad at Todd who was driving when the accident happened. Shit happens! Let's move on. 

I think it is very hard for us to let go of our assumptions (me included). I don’t think Amy the therapist was a bad person who should be working at a correctional facility instead of a hospital. She only knows what she has learned after all and it is entirely possible I simply took her the wrong way. People do have their biases and I think they like to hold on to them. It goes back to identity. I'm a so and so and that means this or that. Please fill in the blanks. I highly doubt Amy thinks of herself as a bad person. At the time, I lacked the sophistication to explain clearly and gently how she was making me feel. I bit my tongue  and let the teachable moment pass (for both of us)  I have been treated worse.

During the same time there were a few nurses who would talk to me as if I was a child. It was harder to be nice in this case but I did. Somehow they thought because I had additional physical limitations beyond my broken knees there was a problem with my brain as well.  They would talk to me about using the bathroom like a four year old. 

“Paul you must pee peee.” One kindly older nurse said. 

I took my revenge. A friend had smuggled in a 16oz Budweiser, I chugged it down and peed with a vengeance filling a container several  times in the process making her go back and fourth to my room. Fortunately, she never caught on to the reason behind my sudden urges to go. It may not have ended well had she did. Overall, I’ve had good relationships with doctors and other medical professionals.

I had another nurse, Margaret, who treated me like the king of the world checking on me often and despite my young age addressing me as sir. It felt funny and I asked her not too which she did. I'll never forget her gentleness and kindness. I later had another physical therapist, Beth saw me as something more than as just another task in her day. She made me feel like a person, not a case. She was both firm and patient at the same time helping me rebuild strength and get walking again. The docs who worked on me did the same as Beth. They often seemed to be in too big a hurry to move on but overall they also treated me like a human being. Having a bad attitude I learned a long long time ago will not get me anywhere. So I do my best to always be polite, especially to those who’s job it is to care for me when I’m in the hospital. Almost without exception it worked. 

I've been lucky in many ways. I’ve never had a doctor say I cannot do something or ever be discouraging. To me, this is the way it always should be but I don’t think it is. It certainly been the opposite in the past. Not so long ago even a great doc like Clippenger (the AMC doc I had growing up) would have been compelled by the norms of the time to recommend to my family that I be institutionalized and I would have never had any say in the matter. I’m eternally grateful for all of those who fought to change this who’s names I’ll never know. Sadly, it still goes on both here and abroad. The power dynamic is still heavily weighted against those with disabilities and even those who care for them. The best way to shift it to a more balanced level is self-advocacy fueled by education.  I will not say docs treat me as an equal but when they realize I’m a little smarter than a turnip, I feel they are less likely to blow me off. Infants and children are not as capable to look out for themselves so it falls to the parents to do the homework and look out for their kid’s interests.