Happy Holidays All

Enjoy time with family and friends and don't let the holidays bring ya down. 

Bully stuff I

I prefer a give and take style of speaking. One has to be very very good to stand and give a talk for an extended period of time. I may get there sometime but feel I have a ways yet to go. To keep people in it so to speak, I like them to participate. So I'll ask questions and have others speak as well. I think this is something we are missing. How often are we asked to be herd in an open and free way? All too often, we are isolated in our own bubble suffering silently. Yes, I like to blog and post stuff on Face Book but that is no substitute for meeting with people and sharing together. So what did I get out of sharing dialogue last Tuesday? The topic of bullying came up and it is too important to ignore. It got me to thinking and I decided to look a little closer at the issue.

Like far too many, I too experienced being bullied. Thank goodness it was not for too long, just one semester around 5th grade. I went to a new school and did not fit in. I quickly found myself friendless, alone and in day to day misery. I'm not sure what it was. Before this time I never had any real problems in school. In the new school I was met with a mixture of cold indifference and utter contempt. I never suffered direct violence but felt the threat of it was always looming. This may be worse.  Each day was a struggle to get through but sad to say I never shared these troubles with anyone. Why? At the time, we had just bought a new house and my Grandmother had moved in with us. She had been my best friend and perhaps my biggest advocate my whole life. We learned she had cancer which proved to be fatal.  I did not want to ad my problems on top of what we were going through so I just muddled through each day as best I could. My parents were no fans of the public schools and at the end of the semester decided I'd be going to a private school. Thank god the nightmare was over. Looking back I did not handle it well at all. What could I have done different? 

In hindsight look back from decades later with the advantages of a lot of experience and much education, I'd say I needed to let someone know what was going on. I never had a problem with communicating with Mom and Dad. I could have let them know. I could have asked to meet with a school counselor or even the principal. Perhaps I could have done a better job of befriending a few fellow students. Now I'd say the most important thing is not going it alone. If I had to deal with that crap for several years, my life could have turned out very differently in a negative way. I'm not trying to blame myself, just thinking of better options than the "keep it to myself" one I chose. Why do students feel the need to put down and hurt others? As we all know this had lead to suicides. So why do kids bully and what does it do to them? 

Kids bully for a number of complex reasons. I think the most basic reason is they gain a sense of power. Schools all too often tend to be more about disempowerment than learning. The students have no say in what they study for the most part and coercive controls are employed to manage behavior. Cliques form and those who are not "in" are "out" and as a result subject to dehumanization. When a person is reduced to an object, anything can be done to them. Peer pressure can exacerbate the problem. The bully is egged on by his peers. If a kid comes from an abusive home where he or she lives in fear, bullying may be an outlet by providing a sense of power. If this twisted "need" to be seen as powerful goes on, it can lead to unhealthy relationships, continuing a cycle of abuse and time in a state correctional facility, you know prison.                

Part II Soon. 

Times of Change I

A bit of fiction that may be non-fiction somewhere... 

In a different place and time another started a journey for different reasons. The knock came at 3am, a gentle tapping on the door. Xerces knew what he had done. He also knew the agency people would arrive shortly. He saw no need to have them break down the door. Why wake up the neighbors? They would all know in very short order anyway. Most thought him some sort of anarchist deviant anyway. He let out his breath and took his last look around his home for the last three years. Much had happened here. He hoped it was not all a waste of time. He opened the door. Several agency goons dressed all in black glared at him from the dimly lit hallway. A woman stepped forward.

 

“Xerces?” She said.

He held out his arm with the barcode tattoo he was given in late childhood. There would be no slam to the ground and being dragged away kicking and screaming as some times before. No, his last arrest was quiet and almost mundane.  Most of the others in the huge apartment complex slept through the whole thing. Anyone awake knew better than ask what was going on. No, it was wiser (and more healthy) to keep it simple and stick to one’s own business. The woman and four men rode down the elevator with him, the forty levels flying by. The death penalty was long gone but there are worse things than death. Darkness, heavy rain and fog greeted them all as they exited the building. He was handcuffed and placed in the back of a hover vehicle. The memory faded.     

Where is he from? Now that is a very good question, a very simple question, and in his case a trick question. Places always move. Atoms, elements, dust, living cells, beings, planets, stars, galaxies, groups of galaxies and time always in motion eternally. There is only the moment. Where is he from? No, the question should is be when was he from. This too is a trick. There is the when before he was an exile and the time since. The first concerns us here little. He does not know much about that time anymore. Time slowly evaporates memory. It has all faded. The time after becoming an exile he knows all. For, he has no choice. He has learned and learned. That after all is what an exile does. He thinks he remembers his name… Xerces. Sounds good. This is also his story to date. Now it is old news from the ancient past eternally slipping away.

The place Xerces is from is a collective of solar systems that over time became known as the Fellix federation. Humans had branched out over time moving into new systems taking what they needed along the way, regardless if they really needed it or not. The short version of the history of the Fellix Federation follows those of empire that came before and likely to come after. It started off a democratic city-state and in time became the envy of other city-states. It used this jealously to its advantage acquiring other city-states by any and every means possible; economic warfare, outright theft, assignations and similar thuggish means. If the above failed, open warfare based on lies and flimsy accusations lead to the desired acquisition. In time the democracy faded into something unrecognizable and unreal existing only in state sponsored mythology. The citizens continued to believe the stories because they had enough to eat and lived in relative comfort. One key facet of the Fellix Federation myth was to pretend that the other city-states joined by choice. Not being limited by one world or even one solar system, gave it the continuing flow of resources needed to sustain life well beyond the natural end point of similar systems. Those in power also stamped out the notion of privacy in all but the very highest levels of government and industry which had become basically one in the same. Enough food, entertainment and careful perception management kept all but a tiny fraction of the population in check. They had way of dealing with those who threatened the status quo. Brand them a threat of some sort and remove the threat. Xerces spied on those who asked questions for the powerful. He also spied for powerful people when they wanted to know more about other powerful people on a contract basis. Slowly, the state sponsored myths started to break down for him. It may have been one too many people “disappeared” or his thirst for knowledge and truth.            

Xerces is small and rather unremarkable which made him the perfect spy. He could go in and out of places unnoticed and seldom seen. This served him well until he started to learn more and more about the entities he served.  He knew all aspects of his craft, networks, humit, counter intelligence, making everyday people into espionage machines and how to be rid of them if they created a “problem”. He was on the fast track to making it somewhere high up in the machine. That is until he started to find out answers to his own nagging questions. Worse still, he shared his answers thus creating a tiny crack in the foundation of Fellix state power. Xerces hoped it was a start to a revolution he knew from years of experience was still at least a generation or so away.  He had no fear of execution. The death penalty may be gone but accidents still happened from time to time. But too many now knew his story. The Federation had something else in mind, something more useful.   

Exile, that is the term they use. In ages past he may have been put to death for his crime of questioning widely known or not. His exact crime is of little importance now. Let’s simply say he gave knowledge to those who were not expecting it and in doing so enraged the most powerful people of the whole Federation. A few still called for bringing back the death penalty in his case, an example was needed they argued. But in time calm reason won the day. There was talk of sending him back for more reeducation and retraining but this had been tried four times already. Poor stubborn Xerces never seemed to learn questioning things was not good for order much lass his own health. Exile was a punishment for this sort of thing, many thought to be worse than death itself. 

The idea is simple; make the less desirables deep space explorers, very deep space.  Advanced life support systems make death all but a sick joke. Immortality is a curse. Who wants to live on in good health knowing all your loved ones have grown old withered and died? There can never be any real rest crossing vast expanses only to cross another and another after that. The first exiles were sent out ages before Xerces came along and the knowledge they gained still flowed back but for the benefit of only a few. This may be the worse part of all. He knew they sent many after him. Who cares if they never return? In fact, they are not supposed to. Exile is for life, never ending life. There is no way out once the final decision is made. It only took a matter of days for his fate to be decided in a closed trial in a rather drab underground bunker. The hype quickly faded but the small crack remained. So he hoped.

With advanced life support systems and Hypersleep death is almost impossible. One can die in an accident or by getting himself killed by other beings or as in some cases, killing oneself. These poor options alone are the ways out of his sentence. Just two days after his sentence he was sent for training. The training was short, covering the basics of ship functions, systems functions and crew functions. They figure rightly so, he will have plenty of time to learn. "All the time in the world." Xerces thought. It was the last time he ever saw any friend or family member. Just before he was to leave they threw a going away party for him. It was much like being alive and fully present at his own funeral. They often spoke of him in the past tense. None spoke of what he did or the “system” that brought all to this sad point in time and space.  At least they knew he was still alive. Few are so lucky.

They put two or more exiles together. Being alone leads to madness, which does little for successful missions. Exiles sometimes still get bad ideas. Some have not done their assigned mission, but made it up as they went along. This turns out to still be okay. If they try to return to known areas already explored, they are killed. They have to go somewhere new. So new knowledge is still always gained. There is no alternative but to leave forever and that means forever. A form of suspended animation known as Hypersleep, was developed and refined over several generations.  No one exile is “put in charge”. Rather it is up to them to work it out as they go. If it does not work out, well the robot crew will take care of the situation and the mission continues with out exiles. Xerces soon found out he would not be alone on his trip through eternity.                          

Dzann is the opposite of Xerces, stunningly beautiful with long wavy blond hair and green eyes, social and noticed everywhere she went.  She is also a world renowned doctor and scientist who worked in an intelligence of a different sort, artificial intelligence. She wanted her research to help those hurt in accidents facing a lifetime of paralysis and or brain damage. She combined bioengineering with the use of intelligent micro-machines for the purposes of healing. The powers that be had other plans for he research. Monsters are what they wanted and she had no interest in bringing them into being. When she refused their generous offers, her life became very difficult. The end of a long good marriage, a ruined reputation and an empty bank account were just a few of the costs she incurred for not seeing the big picture. The Federation did not like loose ends so she wound up taking a similar path to exile. 

Speaking at Glenwood Coffee and Books

I'll be speaking Tues Dec 18 at 6:15pm at Glenwood Coffee and Books sharing my story on living with a so called orphan disorder and afterward facilitating a discussion on handicapped / disability issues. Anyone is welcome and the event is free.

1310 Glenwood Ave 

Greensboro, NC 27403

Readings 12.9.2012

Handicapped man inspires with mountain climb

Spain's disabled protest austerity cuts

Republican opposition downs UN disability treaty

Man Bumped On Senior Scooter Shoots Driver Dead In Gas Station Parking Lot

Two teachers caught taunting disabled boy, 10, as 'gross' and 'disgusting' after his mother bugged his wheelchair with recording device

Glider Time

Aviation school adventure. 

Tom invited any student who was interested for an introductory gliding flight and lunch at Country Field a little over an hour to the west of Greensboro. We had to pay a small fee to pay for lunch and the gliding time. I drove up with Ryan. The airstrip was grass and it was way too small to have anything like a control tower. Before taking this program, I had no idea how many small airports there were. Many started to have second thoughts when we saw the glider we would be using. It looked like something out of the 1940’s. The pilot sat up front and the passenger or student sat behind the pilot under a Plexiglas canopy. There was only one landing wheel right behind the passenger. The glider had no need for a lot of instruments. It was just the basics, an airspeed indicator, altimeter, and attitude indicator. That was all there was to it. Tom asked who would like to go first and was met with silence. After a few minutes, some brave student agreed and climbed in behind Tom. It was more like getting into a bathtub than climbing up into a airplane as we knew it. A tow plane pulled the glider to its release point and when he was ready, Tom would drop the towline from the glider. The towing plane, a powerful homebuilt Maule, did not look much newer than the old glider but it was more than up to the job. It was much stronger than the planes most of had trained on but not much bigger. It eased forward until the towline was tight. Then someone had to lift the ling wing off the ground and hold it level. When the tow plane started to take off he had to hang on to it and run holding the wing a few feet until the glider stayed level on its own. It only took a few steps. We watched as the plane raced down the runway covering the glider in a trail of dust. I don’t think any of expected what happened next. The glider lifted off the ground first. The Maule quickly caught up and towed the glider high into the warm afternoon sky. Soon Tom released the tow like and the Maule quickly came into land. After about ten minutes or so of soaring, the glider safely returned. I watched the process several more times ad soon enough my turn came.

“I’ll help ya in man.” Ryan said.

He lifted me up and gently sat me down in the seat behind Tom. There was a control stick and a few levers I had no plans of touching. Ryan belted be in and stuck on my headset so I could communicate with Tom. The belts came across each shoulder and my lap. It was like strapping into a fighter jet except this thing did not have any engines. I knew right away I was in for a fun ride.

“Ready?” I heard Tom ask.

“Yes.”             

He radioed the pilot of the Maule and we were hurling down the runway. Just like the other flights, we lifted off first.

Tom told me “We have to hold the glider’s nose down until he lifts off.”

I noticed the stick pushed forward mirroring what Tom was doing up front. Then he eased up as we were towed higher and higher. The scene was beautiful. Hills covered in dark green trees starched out as far as the eye could see in any direction, large cumulus clouds loomed over head not yet threatening our afternoon of fun but building.

“Okay Paul, its time to release from the tow plane.”

Tom radioed the pilot pulled the release lever and the line snapped towards the plane like a rubber band but quickly straightened out. We banked left and the plane banked right. The practice is separate from each other for obvious reasons. Then everything went silent. We were alone soaring through the air as if in a vacuum. The only sound at all was the glider gently slipping through the air. It was barely auditable. The other sensation was a rapid slow down.  In just a few moments it felt like our speed was cut in half. I don’t know what flying on a magic carpet feels like but I bet this was pretty close. If we were descending any, I could not tell nor could I see the instruments Tom had up front.

“How long could we stay up, Tom?” I asked.                                                                                                                                     

“If we could catch some thermals, as long as we like. Some in the mountains ride several hundred miles. In other places, big parking lots generate good thermals especially in the summer.”

“That’s amazing!” I thought out loud.

A few minutes later Tom asked, “Ready to play fighter pilot?”

“Okay.” I answered nervously.

“We have to aim the glider at the ground in order to land and we pick up some pretty good speed.”

“Alright.”

Tom aimed for the grassy runway and our speed slowly built. At the last second he pulled the nose level with the ground and I felt the wheel behind me come in contact with the ground. We rolled quickly slowing down and came to a stop and the right wing tipped and touched the ground. It had been a fantastic ride. Tom opened the canopy and everyone clapped for our safe return. Ryan helped me unhook and take off the headset and then lifted me out with astonishing ease. It felt good to be back on the ground.

The last of the students went up and then we had a grilled hotdog and hamburger lunch. It was a fantastic afternoon. The clouds had given us just enough time for flying and lunch. Ryan and I drove home in a monster thunderstorm.