lonely cripple

I know that is a mean title for a blog post! Cripple used to be a word that what may be cringe whenever I heard it. I have to say it still bothers me a little but I've learned to consider the source, either someone not thinking or a complete dumb ass. Lonely is another scary word.  It is something we all experience but rarely talk about.  It can be more debilitating than any so-called handicap.

Today, I was reading an online thread about loneliness. There are a lot of lonely people out there. I'm not sure how much the Internet helps or hurts this. On the one hand, it is a place to reach out. In my opinion, the Internet offers no substitute for being around people. I will say the Internet may be a good start. In the thread I was reading, there was a lot of good advice. There was also a lot of crap to make people feel worse. The best advice that came from my reading today, was to seek professional help if for whatever reason a person cannot make friends. I would say this is more for chronic loneliness, and not for just having an off day or bad week Loneliness is a difficult subject to discuss even with close friends or family. I'm not sure how I would even begin such a discussion. I hope writing about it I can be helpful. I may have to revisit this topic. These are just some initial thoughts. The reading today got me to thinking about loneliness and the disabled. I think we have all felt loneliness at some point or other. I'm thankful I've not had this feeling too often. but I have experienced loneliness before at different times in my life.  It can be soul crushing.

In grade school while growing up, many of my peers would run around like chickens with their heads cut off during recess. Most the time, I would find a nice shady spot, and watch the ongoing buffoonery before me. A few oddballs would come by and hang out with me, and we would talk shit about our foolish classmates. Looking back, I now realize, I too possessed the most valuable thing in the world, the ability to be a friend. At the risk of sounding cheesy, and perhaps even like cliche, the amount of love in your heart, has nothing to do with dunking a basketball or running a marathon. Yes, it's true, giving your love freely to others will come back to you many fold. That has been my experience anyway. Like anyone else reading this, I too have had rough spots. There is nothing worse than being picked on by bullies. Part I Here. I wrote about this experience earlier on this blog. I also had to switch schools many times between first grade and finishing high school.  The role of new guy and outsider became a weird norm for me. On top of that I also looked different than all my pears. Fortunately for me, I understood the value of friendship, and most of the time made friends quickly. Looking back from many years in the future, I believe all the switching schools I did really helped me a lot.  I think I'm lucky in this regard, not all disabled people have the love, and support to carry them through the lonely spots that are inevitable in life.

Our individualistic culture can all too often be very isolating. We are told to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and take care of ourselves.  We are also told to take responsibility for our own problems.This is cool and all, when we are mentally healthy and strong. but what happens when a lonely stretch goes from a few days to a few weeks to a few months? The disabled are all too often shoved under the rug and out of sight left in substandard housing or nursing care facilities. For the most part they are uninvited to participate in society. These difficulties can lead to other health problems such as addictions, and mental-health issues. I shudder to think of how many of my disabled brothers and sisters are being denied living life to its full potential. Forget about waiting around for inclusion programs, include yourself. You have the most valuable thing in the world to give, love and friendship. they transcend any disability. here is what has worked well for me.

Be approachable.
Talk with other people.
Listen. This is very important. Too many people never feel heard.
Help others out. I took care of the homework assignments for the whole back row in my ninth-grade English class.
Have a real concern for others. everyone suffers. We have to rely on each other to make it through this thing called living.
And last as the Dalai Lama said, inspire others. This does not mean being a super athlete or rock star. simply be a friend.

I'll revisit this topic soon. These are just some initial thoughts.