I was often told while growing up the doctors could not do any more for me until I was fully grown. Wow, with a little patience, I too could be like everyone else! It has not worked out that way. When I was a late teen, my parents took me to a big hospital to see medical specialists about what could be done. This was in the late 80's and at the time all they could do is take one working muscle and swap it out for one that was not. For example, I could bend my arm but no longer lift it as I could already. It was not a gain in my mind. I had already adapted to how my body worked so why switch things around and relearn how to do things I had already learned before? So I was stuck with just being me in my body as it always has been. I had a choice at this point, I could have stopped trying and angled for a life spent channel surfing on disability or continue learning and adjusting until I achieved Independence. I'm not going to kid you (or myself), I was pretty comfortable and lazy living with Mom and Dad. I stayed with them another ten years! But I knew I did not want to spend the rest of my life under their roof. I finally managed to move out getting an apartment with Uncle Bob. By this time, I could do everything for myself, except my damn socks! He helped me with that each morning and I helped him with his chronic diabetes.It worked out but I was still not fully independent. Finally, Joe the Vietnam War Vet I worked with, called with a possible solution. His idea did not quite work but I was able to fool around with it and make it work. I still remember the first time I put on my socks and drove off one day when Uncle Bob was not home! In less than a year after that, I had my own house living independently. Patience did pay off, just not in the same way I would have thought of. Not all the problems and set backs of a handicapped person are related to the handicap.
In 2007 Mom lost her long fight with cancer. In the natural order of things, parents usually die before their children. Everybody knows this but it does not make such a passing any easier. I lost more than a Mom, I lost my closest friend and best advocate. I lost the person I shared dreams with and always got the best advice from. I lost the person who by example taught what it meant to be a good human being. Friday she was there, her always cheerful self and Monday, she was gone. Her life ending early was to be mourned but more importantly celebrated. With the help of friends and family I was able to digest and cope with the loss.When she died, I was scheduled to fly to Hanoi in three weeks. Right away, I decided to go through with the trip. She would not have been happy if I cancelled it. I'm glad I took that trip. I met my wife to be Thu. What could I do to honor Mom with the little money I got from her passing? I gave up my second job as a gift from her and put that time to better use. I went back to school and earned a Master's in Conflict Resolution.I can think of nothing that would make her more happy than knowing I working on becoming an advocate for peace, justice and the disabled. This is work that's far from done but in large part thanks to Mom, I'm on my way.
If I help even one person realize their true potential, it will be worth it. That's where you come in. Remember, you always have control over your reactions to adversity. Getting down or upset is okay and natural. But don't stay down or upset even going through the most difficult days. Bad periods in life are like spring thunderstorms. No matter how severe they may be, they always pass followed by clear blue skies and often rainbows.
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